While brutishly pursuing an attractive American secretary in his employ, one US-based foreign oil executive behaved in an openly inappropriate manner.

   Eventually, the arrogant tycoon was successfully sued for over $6 million; allowing him to perceive, for the first time, the high price of "crude."   

Researchers at the University of Missouri analyzed the efforts of 327 job seekers and found that “developing and following a plan at the start” of your job search, and “having positive emotions later” in the job search had a significant impact on success.

This new study stands in stark contrast to the Ivy League approach to finding a job… getting drunk and stoned every day for 4 years, and then asking “Daddy” for a favor.

My son's lived the life of a prince for his first 10 years, waited on hand and foot, someone always at his side,
tended every second of the day.  He became overly sophisticated.  He could tell an ancient Chinese vase from the blue and white one at Target, and wanted to give his teacher "the real one."

He's always loved Chicago blues, though, the really gritty stuff.  I can't imagine a starker contrast with his life. 

"Ain't got no money to pay the rent, 
my woman left me, got only a tent;
No food on the table, no shoes on my feet;
A roach crossed my face last night;
I had a midnight treat." 

It's my caviar kid getting real.

So now he's rebelling.  His idea of rebellion of to stop eating tasty food.   No spices, no fish dishes, no balsamic dressing, no organic thin cut fries.  For weeks now, he has had plain meatloaf every day. 

The next thing I know, he'll be renouncing his love of Hilary Duff and join a monastery. 
At least I know he won't be turning vegetarian.

Anyway, the only place you will find a wire coat hanger is at a pro-choice protest. Seriously, I think the pro-choice movement probably owns 98% of all remaining wire coat hangers in the country (psychotic celebrity mothers own the other 2%). When confronted with the stark reality of no one in America currently owning a wire coat hanger, pro-choicers say that women will resort to the actual marshmallow roasters themselves.

"SLOW COOK" EXECUTIONS UNITE TWO SIDES OF DEATH PENALTY DEBATE

STARKE, Florida. The botched execution of a convicted killer in Florida, which required two lethal injections and took over half an hour, has caused the two warring sides in the death penalty debate to consider "slow cook killings" as a compromise that could end the bitter controversy over capital punishment in America.

Hot tub party

"Which is more inhumane--half a day in a hot tub or a lifetime spent servicing a 300-pound guy named Tyrone who spends all his free time in the prison weight room?" asked Omar Miller of the Victim Rights Group, a pro-death penalty group. "We are seriously considering the possibility that slow-cooking death row inmates may be a solution to the problem of hunger in America," said Eloise Nathanson of the Inmates Rights Coalition, an anti-death penalty organization with ties to other left-liberal groups.

"I hear orange is the new black."

Slow cooking is a traditional method of food preparation in Europe, where it is used to prepare "perpetual stews" such as the French "pot au feu", which means "It only looks disgusting." Slow cooking did not catch on in America until the invention of the "Crock Pot", an electric appliance in which food can be cooked for several hours at temperatures under 100 degrees Fahrenheit while a busy suburban housewife has an affair with her lawn maintenance crew.

Crock Pot:  Busy housewife's dream.

The thinking behind the change of heart by death penalty opponents is the so-called "boiled frog" analogy. "If you throw a frog in a pot of hot water he will jump out," says Nathanson. "If you put a frog in cold water and gradually raise the temperature he won't notice and will invite friends over for a hot tub party."

"Too hot for me!"

Slow-cooked meats tend to retain their juices, making them more succulent. At present, the bodies of executed inmates are disposed of by burial, where they are devoured by worms, if at all. "It's such a waste," says Eli Mannheim of the Committee to Feed America. "Throw in a few carrots and a potato and you could feed a family of four with a crack dealer or a three-time check forger."

"Tastes like chicken."

One party that stands to benefit if slow-cook executions are approved is Rival Manufacturing Company, maker of the Crock-Pot, the most popular American slow-cooker. "We had a woman in here the other day from the ACLU to watch us slow-cook a frog," says Jon Houston, one of the inventors of the appliance. "When it was done, she didn't want to eat it, so I got a free lunch out of the deal."

Copyright 2006, Con Chapman

Christina Aguilera admited to Blender magazine that she's urinated into a bucket, stark naked, in front of a roomful of strangers during costume changes on tour.

Unfortunately, the interview ended after this comment when the Blender Mag reporter abruptly broke down and started masturbating.