However, I'm most definitely not going to see "Splooge Bob Square Pants."

Citing vast cultural differences, such as bait, traps, spawning,  and roe, Sarah
Palin's husband, Todd, will refuse to move to the nation's capitol, if the McCain team wins. Inside sources believe the actual reason is that he was not spoofed on Saturday Night Live (SNL). SNL's bigshot countered by saying, "There's no way to further mock a guy catching salmon off a fishing boat. We do have our standards!"

"Epic Movie," one of four new wide releases in the marketplace, earned about $19.2 million since opening Friday, exceeding industry expectations.

Analysts confused as to how this movie could possibly beat both a "werewolf romance" and a Ben Affleck movie.

Barbara Striesand recently had a drink thrown at her during a performance in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. She was doing a spoof onstage with a Bush Impersonator at the time. When asked why he did it, the audience mamber stated, "Her shoes didn't match her dress."

SPOOFERS RALLY ROUND EMBATTLED "DIRTY BOMB" COLLEAGUE

MILWAUKEE, Wisconsin. As FBI and Homeland Security officials confirmed that an internet story claiming "dirty bombs" would be exploded at U.S. football stadiums this Sunday was a hoax, writers of fake news content rallied around its author, "javness", a 20-year old Milwaukee man.

"He didn't do anything I wouldn't have done," said David Carrington, a software programmer who writes for FakeNews.com, "except I would have posted it in 'Sports' instead of 'US News'."

The Oakland Raiders

The story claimed that Osama bin Laden had plotted to explode radiological bombs in National Football League stadiums in New York, Miami, Atlanta, Seattle, Houston, Cleveland and Oakland this Sunday. "Oakland was the tip we needed to determine the story was false," said Homeland Security Director Michael Chertoff. "Why would anybody care about the Raiders?" he said with a laugh. The Oakland Raiders are 0-5 and Las Vegas oddsmakers have made them 500-1 long shots to win the Super Bowl.

Chertoff:  "Arizona +3 against the Raiders?  Take the points."

The bomb story was posted on The Friend Society, a satirical web site, as part of a "writing duel" between javness and a Brownsville, Texas man to see who could write the scarier story. "It was stupid," said Alan Alpert, a free-lance writer whose work appears on fictiontimes.com, "but without stupidity, the on-line spoof industry would shut down tomorrow."

Quaker Oats, fertility drug.

The Friend Society is unrelated to the Society of Friends or "Quakers", a Philadelphia-based religious cult whose members believe that human reproduction is caused by oatmeal.

"You're sure the documents are real, right?"

Other "spoof" websites said they would take steps to insure that their content complies with accepted journalistic standards. "The dirty bomb story generated 100,000 unique views, and that means ad revenue," said UnfitToPrint.com's Ed Mihalik. "How do I get in touch with this 'javness' guy?--he's another Dan Rather."

Copyright 2006, Con Chapman

Bad writing is like bad cooking – you know it immediately upon impact and it is never tasty – unless you hold it up to ridicule, of course.

Here is an unedited text that is supposed to go into the publication where I am currently laboring.  I won’t ID the writer here, but let’s just say this is actually one of her better efforts! 

<<< 

Use and Abuse of Web Videos - Signed, Anonymous

Former presidential candidate Al Gore’s documentary “An Inconvenient Truth” made waves this summer as both a blockbuster hit and a requiem on the state of global warming, but last week a controversy surrounding the movie surfaced, putting a public affairs/PR firm in the hot seat: A video spoof of Gore’s film shown on YouTube.com that was allegedly created by a 29-year-old Beverly Hills resident has been traced back to a computer registered with Washington D.C.-based DCI Group.  While the firm has declined to comment on why press communications with the supposed video maker appear to originate in their office, the news raised eyebrows all around, especially considering that DCI counts once-environmental-offender Exxon Mobile Corp. among its clients.

Al Gore and DCI Group do have one thing in common, though.  Both have used the Internet as a tool to position themselves in the global warming debate.  Gore and his film distributor Paramount Classics used a Web video on YouTube.com to generate word-of-mouth buzz before the release of the film, while DCI Group has used its opinion Web site Tech Central Station to raise doubts about the legitimacy of global warming.  The conclusion: Web videos are playing an increasing role in PR, adding yet another dimension to new-media channels.

>>>

Okay, now let's play the copy editor from hell and dissect this inert body:

“Former presidential candidate Al Gore’s documentary “An Inconvenient Truth” made waves this summer as both a blockbuster hit and a requiem on the state of global warming, but last week a controversy surrounding the movie surfaced, putting a public affairs/PR firm in the hot seat”

Two clichés in one sentence (made waves and the hot seat), plus aa bizarre definition of his film (how can you have a requiem for something that is still alive?).  

“A video spoof of Gore’s film shown on YouTube.com that was allegedly created by a 29-year-old Beverly Hills resident has been traced back to a computer registered with Washington D.C.-based DCI Group.  While the firm has declined to comment on why press communications with the supposed video maker appear to originate in their office, the news raised eyebrows all around, especially considering that DCI counts once-environmental-offender Exxon Mobile Corp. among its clients.”

More clichés (the reference to “raised eyebrows all around” makes it seem like a population of Groucho Marx imitators have taken over).  And is there any importance that the spoofer was a 29-year-old Beverly Hills resident?  And how about “once-environmental-offender Exxon Mobile Corp.” (Exxon is in the cell phone business now?).

“Al Gore and DCI Group do have one thing in common, though.  Both have used the Internet as a tool to position themselves in the global warming debate.  Gore and his film distributor Paramount Classics used a Web video on YouTube.com to generate word-of-mouth buzz before the release of the film, while DCI Group has used its opinion Web site Tech Central Station to raise doubts about the legitimacy of global warming.  The conclusion: Web videos are playing an increasing role in PR, adding yet another dimension to new-media channels.”

The conclusion: if the writer of this story was the navigator on the Santa Maria, Columbus would've discovered Spain.

I created this image for my website way back in 2002. If any of you were alive back then, you might remember the relentless "saturation marketing" campaign for the third Austin Powers movie, Goldmember... not to mention all the product placement in the film itself. This visual was meant to spoof that whole thing.

It just shows that while topical jokes definitely don't age well, jokes about poop and incontinence are timeless.