Putting a good spin on bad news : April 15, 1912 , White Star Liner officials announce, : Titanic sinks, but the good news is 705 people were rescued . Unfortunately 1517 died but they were mostly lower class steerage passengers  .  ****** Election Day November 7, 1972 : President Nixon beats George McGovern in a lopsided landslide victory. The McGovern campaign manager declared, " We may have lost 49 out of 50 states including George's home state of South Dakota, but we won Massachusetts ! "  ********  November 16, 2009  General Motors announces a loss of Only $1.2 Billion Dollars for the third quarter. President Obama was so pleased with the good news G.M. didn't lose another $6 billion of taxpayer money as had been expected.  He said on Chinese National TV, " I think it's time we pop open the champaigne bottles and celebrate ! "   .

A man had a major heart attack at a ping pong tournament.Fortunately, they were able to get the paddles on him very quickly. 

A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, and a greasy little salesman runs up to him, and yells, "Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!"

The golfer, annoyed, says, "What is it?"

"It's a special golf ball," says the salesman. "You can never lose it!"

"Whattaya mean," scoffs the golfer, "you can never lose it? What if you hit it into the water?"

"No problem," says the salesman. "It floats, and it detects where the shore is, and spins towards it."

"Well, what if you hit it into the woods?"

"Easy," says the salesman. "It emits a beeping sound, and you can find it with your eyes closed."

"Okay," says the golfer, impressed. "But what if your round goes late and it gets dark?"

"No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the dark! I'm telling you, you can never lose this golf ball!"

The golfer buys it at once. "Just one question," he says to the salesman. "Where did you get it?"

"I found it."  

Hasbro announced today they will be releasing an updated version of the popular babyboomer game Twister for people 50 and over....In the new game an area will be added to the spin board for additional body parts.....company sources were unwilling to provide any more information, except ... "the new game will give a whole new meaning to the term "Blue Balls".

Researchers, using new scientific techniques, have enabled rats, with severed spinal cords, to run again.

In a related story, New York Demo-RAT Governor David Paterson, in spite of requests to withdraw from the 2010 gubernatorial race, also has plans to RUN AGAIN!

Former Vice President Dick Cheney is undergoing surgery today to deal with a case of spinal stenosis.

"And by spinal stenosis," said Anthony Caputy, the doctor performing the surgery, "We mean the experimental serum we invented to keep his feet from morphing back into hooves is wearing off."

A bear that got stuck in a Colorado skate park freed itself from the half-pipe after workers lowered down a ladder....Tony Hawk saw the video and said, "That 360 spin with a backside nose grind off his hind paws was sick!! I didn't know a bear could pull off such a gnarly 180 frontside grab"..

Question :  how many spin doctors does it take to get one Spend Master in to the White House?

Anwser: Unfortauntly just enough to bankrupt every one in the U.S.

Today in Atlantic City I walked pass a roulette table in the casino where i work .  I watched the little ball roll, hop, and bounce along the spinning wheel until it finally found a number to rest upon  .  As the dealer placed his marker on the board he called out,   " 31,  BLACK,  &  ODD . "   A very effeminate African-American male player jumped up from his seat and screamed with joy, " THAT'S ME ! "