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If these guys have any more vows they’ll be marrying in Vermont.
Obama vows efforts to halt piracy- April 2009
Obama vows to help small businesses- March 2009
Obama vows to pursue a planet free of nuclear weapons- April 2009
Obama vows support for free markets- March 2009
Obama vows to 'dismantle' al-Qaeda and Taliban in Afghanistan-March 2009
Obama vows to get U.S. troops out by 2011- April 2009
Obama vows to break cycle of job losses- March 2009
Obama vows earmark reform- March 2009
Obama vows to reform Wall Street- March 2009
Obama vows to cut pork, later- March 2009
Obama vows climate 'engagement'- November 2008
Obama vows new era- January 2009
Biden vows To "Follow The Money"-February 2009
Biden vows to "Embarrass" Governors Against the Socialist Plan- February 2009
Biden vows 'responsible' Iraq pullout- January 2009
Biden vows break with Bush era foreign policy- December 2008
Biden vows to tackle gun violence- April 2009
Biden vows U.S. Will Fight Terror In Afghanistan- January 2009
Biden vows no pet project in stimulus bill- Decmber 2008
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Big socialist rally at a stadium on Berkley Campus. The crowd is huge. Attendees are hippie throwbacks, Berkley liberals, every pervert imaginable, all of Hollywood, and of course MSNBC. Two Greek columns on the stage. The crowd is waiting in anticipation. Suddenly, the lightning strikes; the entire place fills with smoke; sparks are everywhere. Out of nowhere, above the crowd, appears a giant, ghostly figure. Floating above the stadium, the figure begins to talk, in a booming, rolling voice:
"I have bestowed a new doctrine upon thee!"
"Thou shall worship me and no other!"
"Thou shall covet thy neighbor's wealth, and thou shall enforce the mandatory tithing upon thy neighbor to the higher authority. The higher authority shall distribute thy and thy neighbor's wealth with wisdom!"
"Thou shall not succumb to the false temptation of profit!"
"Thou shall only abort thy first-born no later that the twelfth month after conception!"
"Thou shall bow down to my apostles Karl Marx, Fidel Castro, Che Guevara, and Vladimir Lenin!"
One of the throwback hippies, elbow nudges Cris Mathews and asks,
"Is this..... Is this......"
Chris Mathews replies, "No - that's only God. Sometimes he thinks he's Barack Obama!"
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Has someone ever put their ego up so far you couldn't reach it, but they were such a part of your life you couldn't ignore it? I have a roommate that I don't get along with, just because. You know, this could be what most altruistic nations are afraid of. Doesn't freedom of speech seem to warrant a certain war of convenience, where someone dares you to do something and you can't stop them, as if somehow disagreeing with them is holding them back? It's times like these when freedom doesn't seem like such a valuable commodity. Perhaps a regulated socialist atmosphere could downturn the perks of being a piss-off. I know I'd certainly like that.
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 A letter from the Seattle School District tells teachers to remind students not to be too happy this Thanksgiving, because the holiday is seen as a "time of mourning" by many Native Americans (and European Socialists).
"After all, we don’t want them to end up like flag-waving patriots," the Superintendent said, "kids need to know that there are so many reasons to hate who you are."
Seattle Friends of Dennis Kucinich were delighted.
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DEMOCRATIC
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.
REPUBLICANISM
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?
SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the
other, and then pours the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised
when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating
you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent
quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Un fortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to
milk production but use the money to buy weapons.
IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.
POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
BELGIAN CORPORATION
You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.
FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote
for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is
the best-looking cow.
CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegals.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.
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