According to The National Education Forum, 90 out of 100 teachers believe that fraction reduction is a critical math skill.

There once was a man from Wiscasset

Who couldn't afford him a casket.

So he bought him an axe

and with a couple of whacks,

his wife fit quite well in a basket. 

 I was golfing the other day and one of my feet was feeling cold.  I took off my shoes to investigate and realized that after years and years of walking the course, I had finally made a hole in one.

If a fart had no odor, people wouldn't raise such of a stink over it.

And have you noticed these days that silent farts are unheard of?

If you could see a fart, could you bite it?  I imagine that you could, but why would you take a bite out of something that tastes like Uhhhh...

...adventurer Alan Hissle became stranded in Canadian Rockies after falling and breaking his leg.  Hissle, a vegetarian, could not find any vegetation to eat because of the snow, so he tried to eat anything he could find.  For 4 days he subsisted on dead birds and bugs.  He told his rescuers that in order to survive, he had become a meat seeking Hissle.  

   The often loud, sometimes ill-mannered-- but, I'm told, sweet--little boy next door refers to carrots as "snowmen's noses."  All the women, and most of the men, adore him.

   He's a bright, cute, sandy-haired 8-year-old kid--and I'd still like to kick his ass. 

The father of "balloon-boy" is reporting that his son has again disappeared and may be aboard a homemade toboggan.

...Grand Forks N.D. police arrested a man who stole a mail carriers' uniform and truck and began driving it around neighborhoods.  What alerted police to the man was that most of the mail was delivered to the correct address and on time.   

   Why are toddlers frequently so overdressed--in  ballooned-up, nearly airtight snowsuits--that their now-inflexible, outstretched little arms make them resemble miniature scarecrows?

   Children virtually upholstered into immobility.  

The mayor wants to spray a fine chemical mist over the clouds before they reach the capital, forcing them to dump their snow outside the city.   To accomplish this, he plans to send his son up in a homemade balloon .