grantisnolonger@hotmail.com

Problems at the White House sketch

Written by Grant Foxon

INT. THE WHITEHOUSE. PRESIDENT OBAMA is waiting for HILARY CLINTON. The door opens and she walks in.

MRS CLINTON

                                    Mr President sorry I’m late.

OBAMA

                                    Hilary hi, please take a seat. The reason I’ve asked you here                         is the BP crisis. We need solutions and answers. And above all                           escape goats. Any ideas?

MRS CLINTON

                                    Yes sir I’ve been speaking with the census committee and we                                have a few suggestions for you. First of all the people of                                                 Atlantis?

OBAMA

                                    I thought that was in the Atlantic?

MRS CLINTON

Actually sir whilst the Atlantic Ocean was named after Atlantis there are strong evidence that it was in other parts of the world if it even existed. We could put a case to congress that it’s under Mexico and they did it.

OBAMA

                                    I like it. What else?

MRS CLINTON

                                    Communists. A tribe of aquatic Communists could have done                             it?

OBAMA

Too close to the Atlantis idea Hilary, I’m a bit disappointed there.

MRS CLINTON

                                    Sorry Mr President. How about we say it was the British?

OBAMA

                                    Interesting go on.

MRS CLINTON

                                    We could say that the British deliberately attacked the pipe                                          because of the 1784 peace treaty between our two nations?                                        

OBAMA

                                    Could we not say it was an accident?

MRS CLINTON

                                    Sir with the greatest of respect there has been too much damage                           for it to be an accident.

OBAMA

                                    I take your point. But I don’t want it too lead to war with the                                    British. For one we don’t have the oil anymore.

MRS CLINTON

                                    We could nuke them sir?

OBAMA considers this.

OBAMA

                                    Hilary, your hearts in the right place but I think we shouldn’t                                  nuke them. Who else would we have to blame plus they’re so                                 small we might miss and God forbid hit somewhere else.

MRS CLINTON

                                    You’re right Mr President.

OBAMA

                                    Mind you hitting France would be no biggie.

MRS CLINTON

                                    Shall I arrange the nuke?

OBAMA

No that’s fine Hilary I was just speculating.

MRS CLINTON

                                    Yes sir.

OBAMA

                                    Hypothetically if we say it was Iraqi insurgents you think                                         that could buy us another few years in Iraq?

MRS CLINTON

                                    Yes sir.

OBAMA

                                    In which case we’re gonna need the brits there. I mean they’re                          good target practice for our troops.

MRS CLINTON

                                    Yes Mr President.

OBAMA

                                    Ok Hilary we’ll go with the Iraq navy did it.

MRS CLINTON

                                    I’ll arrange a press conference immediately sir.

OBAMA

                                    Thank you Hilary. God bless America!

grantisnolonger@hotmail.com

The Khmer Rouge Travel Sketch

By Grant Foxon

EXOTIC ORIENTAL MUSIC PLAYS.

VOICEOVER (Oriental)

                                    Hello. In times of Global recession it’s too good to know that                                 foreign travel is still affordable and cheap. If you have never                                thought about a vocation…sorry vacation to Cambodia? Well                             here’s why it could be good for you.

EXOTIC MUSIC PLAYS FOLLOWED BY THE SOUND OF SCREAMS.

VOICEOVER

                                    Why not come see our world famous killing fields. Where                                        three million were killed. That’s right three million! Guess                                       you wonder how we did it? Well here in Cambodia we take                                          genocide seriously. In fact our tourist trade is built around it.

FX. EXPLOSIONS CAN BE HEARD.

VOICEOVER

                                    Have you ever wondered what it’s like to be a guerrilla soldier                         in Cambodia? Have you always wanted to kill someone and                               then flee into the jungles? Well now you can. With our very                           popular Pol Pot experience.

FX. GUNFIRE CAN BE HEARD FOLLOWED BY A DOG DYING.

VOICEOVER

                                    Why not sample traditional Cambodian cuisine? Like dog or                          roadkill? Or even fellow humans? In Cambodia we have great                           diets in fact none of our peasants in our fields ever suffer from                                obesity. It’s true. That is because of excellent Cambodian diet.

FX. SHOUTING CAN BE HEARD.

VOICEOVER

                                    Have you ever wanted to time travel? Well here in Cambodia                                you can experience this first hand with our year one policy.                                      Travel back and help us work the fields as a peasant. You never                            know you might just buy our ideology?

FX. MORE GUNFIRE CAN BE HEARD.

VOICEOVER

                                    Here in Cambodia we are natural suppliers of various                                                 conditions such as malnutrition and dysentery, which we                                              truly believe in sharing with all our happy guests. We have                                         first-rate accommodation whether you’re sleeping in a mud                                          hut or just lying on some hay you’ll be pleased of our service.                               Now remember folks no cameras you could be a western agent.                         I hope you’ve enjoyed our little talk and remember folks to                                                 come and explore Cambodia with the Khmer Rouge.

ORIENTAL MUSIC CAN BE HEARD.

VOICEOVER 2

                                    Then why not come and eat at Pong Ji traditional restaurant                                             only three day by goat from Cambodia.

ORIENTAL MUSIC PLAYS SKETCH OUT.

I'm a police Etch A Sketch artist................so don't get me all shook up! 

A Somali man believed to have ties to terrorist groups was shot as he allegedly tried to enter the home of Danish political cartoonist Kurt Westergaard, who is known for his controversial depictions of the Muslim prophet Mohammad.

Details are sketchy, but apparently he was slow on the draw.

Here's a custom essays about Obama:

I'm following this story about a 6-year old boy in a runaway balloon.The details seem pretty sketchy to me...............everything is still up in the air.

In Early May, Jeff Kepner of Augusta, Ga. had double hand transplant surgery at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center, and is still unable to register any feeling in them. Moreover, his doctors say it takes a month for new nerves to grow a single inch, and up to two years before he has full use of his fingers.

Wow, man...I sure hope I never wind up in that situation, but if I were him I'd make the most of it...if it's gonna be two years before you can feel your own hands? I say use that time to get acquainted with your local adult bookstore. Shoot - if it were me, I'd be at Romantic Depot so often, the manager would be able to describe me to a police sketcher!

 British tourists were arrested in Crete insulting the Catholic church after they paraded themselves dressed  in nun attire and naughty lingerie. People who witnessed the scene called it "the weirdest Monty Python sketch ever".