On this day in 1887, Verdi's opera "Otello" premiered at La Scala.  Before it started audience members were asked to please silence their pocketwatches.

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Everybody has to stop all this foolishness that Osama Bin Laden is alive, living in a cave and send audio tapes to the world. Is this just another of Cheney's stupid ideas to keep the war on terrorists alive?

If he is alive what the hell is doing living in a cave?  And why is sending stupid audio tapes?  Who the hell makes audio tapes? If he's got electricity in that cave, why doesn't he make a video flipping everyone off?

And the news media goes crazy everytime a tape is let loose. "Osama Bin Laden Is Alive, Osama Bin Laden Is Alive, Osama Bin Laden Is Alive."  Shut up!  He's not alive.  If he is alive he would look like Jeff Dunham's puppet Achmed the Dead.

Hey. Maybe he is Achmed, "Silence, I keel you."

Thank God for emails. They're always good for a laugh.

An old pilot dressed in his Eisenhower jacket with all his ribbons sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.

She turned to the old pilot and asked, "Are you a real pilot?"

The old pilot replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life flying biplanes, Cubs, Aeronca's, Nieuports, flew in WWII in a B-29, and later in the Korean conflict, taught 50 people to fly and gave rides to hundreds, so, Yes, I guess I am a pilot, and you, what are you?"

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women."

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked, "are you a real pilot?"

The old pilot replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."
 

The Minnesota Vikings have a very unique way of celebrating victories.

It's always a nice Chianti and Favre beans. 

 http://www.yodio.com/yo.aspx?cardid=LhKC5psD7L6jnOape9mTB5

The thing about the information age is that there are people who see you here or there and then they feel like they need to tell you something or ask you about something- something you may not even know anything about.  They just pull out topics from the most vivid areas of their imagination.  It generates a problem for them, if they don't know you so sometimes people just wait until they get near you and they talk really loud, in hopes that you will take part in their conversations.  If that ever happens, it gets hard to do whatever you're doing, like reading, because a part of you may want to be sociable but then, it's like the person is trying to force you to be congenial.  Once you figure that out, you start feeling less congenial than normal.  Text messaging is to blame for this, and cell phones, because people feel like they should be able to talk to you, whenever they decide to, even if it's a little inconvenient for you.  It's like they need a cb.  The internet is the same way.  Instant messaging offers direct feedback.  There's no such thing as quiet time anymore- unless you shut all of your technology down.  I don't complain too much about it though, because if one has ever been to jail, one knows that you can't take your cellphone inside of lock-up with you. That makes some of us wish that there were little chips, that were in our say, arms, so that we could check on the ones we care about, or wonder about, during these times of technology free "vacation".  Then everyone would have to be bothered, at anytime, with someone elses decision to have a conversation.  Conversation is nice but there is a such thing as too much conversation.  I have been all conversed out, at times.  Sometimes you just want some silence, like when you're trying to think about money.  Money requires thought processes..  When people shoot dice, you don't hear many conversations going on, all at the same time.  You might hear one or two curse words but noone is going to be asking you about your day, when you're gambling.  You know why, because money making opportunities require concentration- not conversation.  Everything else is just hear-say and time killing.  Why should I want to converse?  Everybody I associate with is always just speaking a bunch of baloney.  I don't want to hear that.  I'm tired of hearing all that.  That got old.  I used to want to talk so bad that I'd call the chatline.  It can drain you.  Doing all that chatting on the phone made my ear feel like it was on fire, so I cut that out.  Now i have an earpiece, but I still don't have to seek out conversation all that often because I am taking college classes.  If you want to get tired of conversation and feedback, take a class.  You won't ever want to just talk to someone again because professors are some people who really have the gift of gab.  That's why they go to school to be teacher because they love to talk.  And they will talk you into hysteria, if you let them.  I'm a comedian, all I have to do is five minutes of standup.  By that time, I've said all that I have to say and I'm ready to shut up.

The absolute, most important thing that a person can learn from being arrested is that one does have the right to remain silent, after the handcuffs are placed on you- but not before.  There is some confusion about this.  If you wait for your lawyer, to answer questions that you are asked while un-handcuffed, you can be charged with "silence", aka obstruction.

You know your family's got issues when you go to jail and it's like a family reunion.   Some people get to go to jail as couples.  Imagine the romantic implications that can have. 

'Twas the night before Senate
Out-bullied the House.
Not a single vote counted
While millions of us groused.

Stock options were hung out to dry in the air
In hopes that health coverage would someday fly there.
The fat cats were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of payoffs and bribes filled their heads.

In uninsured families
All hope ran amok;
They prayed to some Maker,
And damned their hard luck.

When out from a newsflash emerged such a clatter
The government declared that nothing was the matter;
In spite of sound bytes that we dreaded to hear
We realized old promises would never appear.

From the glow of the TV in our borrowed old home
Fell the lustre of something we never could own.
When what to my tired, red eyes did appear
Was another politician, and a speech filled with fear.

With a smile and a twinkle, so righteous and quick
We saw through his lies, for our country was sick.
More rapid than bullets the blather all came
As he turned and cajoled and still pointed the blame:

On profits, incentives, On penalties now!
On bailing bank coffers, to feed that cash cow!
To the right of the Blue States, and the left of the Red.
Now vote away, vote away, vote 'til 'yer dead!

As silence is deadly when our loved one is ill,
When we meet with an obstacle, our choices are nil
So down to the ER the ambulance flew
With a hole in our pockets, five credit cards too.

And after ten papers and waiting for hours
Reminded that uninsured lives are not ours;
When what to my wondering mouth so agape
Was news of a bill that looked just like a rape.

2000 for this, a thousand for that,
500 for IV, three tits for one tat.
Our savings depleted, accounts in the red,
I started to think:  Are we better off dead?

The doc was all decked out in white to his toes
He gave us some aspirin, then told us to go;
Assuring us boldly that surely we might
Just try to "take care now," and "have a good night."

So back to the house where we counted licked all our wounds,
We tried to pretend we could move to the moon,
As previous illness prevented us care,
Would flying to Canada be something we'd dare?

I spoke not a word but went straight to my task,
Determined and surly enough not to ask;
I gathered our tickets and passports I'd bought;
There's no point in living where loved ones will rot.

We sprang to our car, to our team gave a yell;
And thus whooped our family from the bowels of hell,
And I heard us exclaim as we drove out of sight,
Happy Healthcare to all, and to all Gesunk Heit!

Tiger Woods finally has broken his silence on the numerous written articles pertaining to his infidelities. Tiger says these reports have holes in them. 

Tiger and Elin are sitting at opposite ends of the dining room table... the silence is deafening, the tension electric. Tiger's wounded head heavily bandaged from last Friday.

Elin broke the silence with 3 little words that had Tiger running for his new replacement Escalade in terror.

The 3 little words....

Pass the Butter!

 One of David Letterman's staff broke silence today! She stated "....sex was not that bad with Dave, he let's you keep the Sarah Palin wig!"