James Cameron's AVATAR has just sailed past James Cameron's TITANIC to become the highest grossing movie of all time, domestically and internationally.

Wait a minute Avatar is not the grossest movie of all times. John Walters movie PINK FLAMINGOS is. It’s suppose to be funny but it’s grotesque, sick and disgusting. If you don’t believe me Google PINK FLAMINGOS.

Oh, hold on. They didn’t say “grossest”, they said “grossing”. SORRY. My Bad.

A man was checking into a motel and asked the female clerk behind the desk "Is the room's TV porn channel disabled?"

She glared at him and said "No, it's just regular porn, you sick bastard!" 

Especially sick are the photos of cats with the caption, "I can haz Zyklon B?" They put the SS in hiss.

 Johnson & Johnson Issues Massive Recall of Tylenol

Johnson & Johnson issued a massive recall Friday of over-the-counter drugs including Tylenol, Motrin and St. Joseph's aspirin because of a moldy smell that has made people sick.

Sick of those girl scouts trying to push their cookies on you??  Do what I do.  Tell them, "I'd love to buy your cookies, but my parole officer said I'm not allowed within 50 feet of a minor." 

Is FaceBook on your Mobile called FaceBile? And What about MySpace? Is that called MyBile? I just wanna know, because I'm sick and tired of all the lazy motherfuckers I got workin' for me that sit on MyFace all day, telling every motherfucker that cares to be on MyFace every damn thought that goes through their damn head!!!!

'Twas the night before Senate
Out-bullied the House.
Not a single vote counted
While millions of us groused.

Stock options were hung out to dry in the air
In hopes that health coverage would someday fly there.
The fat cats were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of payoffs and bribes filled their heads.

In uninsured families
All hope ran amok;
They prayed to some Maker,
And damned their hard luck.

When out from a newsflash emerged such a clatter
The government declared that nothing was the matter;
In spite of sound bytes that we dreaded to hear
We realized old promises would never appear.

From the glow of the TV in our borrowed old home
Fell the lustre of something we never could own.
When what to my tired, red eyes did appear
Was another politician, and a speech filled with fear.

With a smile and a twinkle, so righteous and quick
We saw through his lies, for our country was sick.
More rapid than bullets the blather all came
As he turned and cajoled and still pointed the blame:

On profits, incentives, On penalties now!
On bailing bank coffers, to feed that cash cow!
To the right of the Blue States, and the left of the Red.
Now vote away, vote away, vote 'til 'yer dead!

As silence is deadly when our loved one is ill,
When we meet with an obstacle, our choices are nil
So down to the ER the ambulance flew
With a hole in our pockets, five credit cards too.

And after ten papers and waiting for hours
Reminded that uninsured lives are not ours;
When what to my wondering mouth so agape
Was news of a bill that looked just like a rape.

2000 for this, a thousand for that,
500 for IV, three tits for one tat.
Our savings depleted, accounts in the red,
I started to think:  Are we better off dead?

The doc was all decked out in white to his toes
He gave us some aspirin, then told us to go;
Assuring us boldly that surely we might
Just try to "take care now," and "have a good night."

So back to the house where we counted licked all our wounds,
We tried to pretend we could move to the moon,
As previous illness prevented us care,
Would flying to Canada be something we'd dare?

I spoke not a word but went straight to my task,
Determined and surly enough not to ask;
I gathered our tickets and passports I'd bought;
There's no point in living where loved ones will rot.

We sprang to our car, to our team gave a yell;
And thus whooped our family from the bowels of hell,
And I heard us exclaim as we drove out of sight,
Happy Healthcare to all, and to all Gesunk Heit!

Airport restaurants have been cited in the past year for hundreds of food safety violations even though reports of rodent issues are dramatically down……Seems even vermin are tired of getting sick on airport food.

Tiger Woods issued a statement on the Larry King Live show today saying " Larry I'm sick and tired of all those so-called comedians, comics, and punsters making fun of me at my expense .  Just because I'm married to a Swedish Blonde and only have extramarital affairs with white ladies does not make me a racist . Tonight I'm gonna screw that rusty-orange haired Puerto Rican waitress I met last week at Denny's . " 

(Will E's rap)

workin' fo da Cracka Kringle gets me faded
9-5 nogs only keeps me jaded
another sleigh filled and my soul is traded
fo little toy trains and socks brocaded

doin' time fo life in da f*****n' north pole
opressed, repressed, doin' what I'm told
I'm sick of dis **** and dis f*****n' cold
gonna **** st nick in his f*****n' north hole

(chorus)
elfomatic
automatic
gangstatic
pimpomatic

elfomatic
automatic
gangstatic
pimpomatic

with little willie elf bustin' at the wheel
keepin' Rudolph on the take, gonna keep it real
flyin' high all night in santa's jacked-mobile
with two bitches and a ho and my sex appeal

slippin' down the chimneys goin' shack to shack
my hand on my nine and santa's sack on my back
spreadin' cream for my homies while I'm nippin' Jack
put my finger to my nose and I be makin' tracks

(chorus)
elfomatic
automatic
gangstatic
pimpomatic

elfomatic
automatic
gangstatic
pimpomatic

something is going down tonight
santa won't be around tonight
don't whack it's gonna be alright
santa's sleigh is gonna make its flight
(end chorus)

ditched the sleigh, ganked an Escalade
with an eight track by The Skandles playing Robot Maid
riding dirty in da hood like my old school days
pimp hand to da hos! Bitches better pay

jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way
cappin' santa in the **** made Will E's holiday

(Santa Clause rap)

Ho Ho Ho My name is Santa Clause
and I'm still the boss,
the original sauce
the candy cane daddy,
the jelly belly fatty
Biggie Kris Kringle
the master of the jingle

well this little elf **** been jackin' my style
bust a cap in my **** like a naughty pedophile
he's a poser, a loser, a good fo nuttin' boozer
so listen up kiddies while I throw him in my cruiser:

So, this is da end of his holiday charade, tirade, betrayed,
gangsta raid, imposter escapade,
'cause Santa don't get played!

he's a low down Christmas cookie Keebler freak
his ride is chic, but his plan is weak
tic toc, he forgot,
here's a shock:

I'm the motha f****n' pimp who owns this block!

(chorus)
elfomatic
automatic
gangstatic
pimpomatic

elfomatic
automatic
gangstatic
pimpomatic

something is going down tonight
santa won't be around tonight
don't whack it's gonna be alright
santa's sleigh is gonna make its flight
(repeat chorus)

You can buy a censored or uncensored version of this song at http://indiestore.7digital.com/theskandles