A Democratic senator from Arkansas is not sure if she'll vote for the health care bill because she wants to make sure that it's good for the people in her state.  I say, "Vote for the bill.  We'll fly all 7 people in your state to our New York doctors whenever they're sick!."

It's estimated that last year over 300,000 people got sick from eating bad Thanksgiving leftovers. ***MARLAR: Which totally ruined their 4th of July picnics.

   Irate hypochondriac to medical specialist:  "Look, doc, I paid you good money--find something!" 

This past Election Day, as usual, I didn’t vote. Voting isn’t a system that works.  The majority of people are idiots, and in voting, the majority of people are right.  Politicians learn early on that they have to lie, make false promises, and hide their real agendas to get the majority of voters, who don’t know what they are talking about, to vote them into office.  I don’t really blame them, as that is the position they are put in to succeed.  It just makes it impossible to tell who’s corrupt, and who’s trying to help.  They all have to lie to some extent.  If the good one’s don’t lie, they’ll lose to the bad one’s who do because people are voting based on campaign promises that sound good.  If a politician stood there and was realistic with everyone about what they think could be done, he wouldn’t sound very exciting. When have we had a candidate that came anywhere close to delivering what they promised in their campaign?  Has that ever happened? Take Obama for example, the whole time he was campaigning, he didn’t even know the details of the job he was applying for.  They don’t give you the top secret briefing till after you are elected.

“Oh, remember all those things you promised in your campaign…. Well, there are a few things we should probably fill you in on.  Number 1, we’re dead broke.  Our credit score is horrible, and we’re not even getting low interest balance transfer offers from France anymore.  Oh, and we haven’t been getting a lot done lately cause everyone’s out sick with some weird flu”

If a corporation was run by a president that was elected by all it’s employee’s, that corporation would go out of business. Employees don’t know company secrets or what it takes to make the real money.  The majority of people walking into a voting both simply don’t know what they are talking about.  I myself am no political genius and by my own guidelines am not qualified to vote.  Voting is a nice fairytale, and at the same time, I don’t have a better solution to offer.  I do think and hope that we have enough checks and balances to keep us out of any real disasters, but I’m starting to have my doubts.

The man is a real sicko--he even followed Seacrest into the ladies' restroom.  

I'm sick and tired of all the corruption in politics  Instead of an ethics panel,  these House members should appear before a death panel.

A salty burger has landed a McDonald's employee in the slammer and facing criminal charges.  Kendra Bull spent a night in jail because a police officer's burger was too salty -- so salty he says it made him sick. Bull is charged with misdemeanor reckless conduct. ***MARLAR: If using too much salt in your recipes is considered a crime, I think I just found a way to get rid of my mother-in-law. 

Authorities said the man preyed on the sick, the elderly, and Timberwolves fans.

Remember when mom would say, "dry your hair before you go out or you'll catch a cold? Well, mom was wrong. Just because you leave your house with your hair wet doesn't mean you're going to get sick. The common cold and flu are caused by viruses, not by exposure to cold air or going out with wet hair.  ***MARLAR: What you WILL catch, however, is more flack from Mom.

According to FaceBook, the happiest day of the year is Thanksgiving! That's according to the new Facebook Gross National Happiness index. To build the new index, Facebook researchers culled the stats from two years of anonymous "status updates" from the site's 100 million users in the United States.  ***MARLAR: That’s just the number of postings on Thanksgiving Day though – what about the content of those posts?  Maybe people were saying, “I’m sick of turkey”... “I’m sick of football”... “I’m sick of Uncle Karl”...