·        Israeli officials have admitted to harvesting organs, including Palestinians in the 1990s. The news clarifies sausages labeled, “Arafatty.”

I've heard that not even rich people consider themselves to be rich. But I think I've finally found a test to prove that you're rich. If you can afford to EAT GOLD, then you are pretty well off, wouldn't you agree?

A restaurant in Duesseldorf has put gold-covered sausages on its menu. The restaurant owner claims eating gold is healthy. In addition to traditional tomato sauce and curry powder, the sausage comes with a piece of 18 carat leaf gold on its skin and diners at Curry restaurant pay handsomely to get it. How can it be healthy? Well, according to the restaurant manager, "It has been done in Greece for hundreds of years. One of our customers always brought in his own gold and asked us to cover his food with it, that's how we got the idea." The restaurant's manager also suggests ordering the gold-covered sausage for somebody instead of flowers if you're in love. ***MARLAR: Yeah, that'll work. "Baby, I love you so much I'm giving you a long cylindrical meat object wrapped in intestine and covered in metal." 

Louisville basketball coach Rick Pitino alleges he was extorted by a woman with whom he had sex at a restaurant.     Pitino claims he initially did not intend to have sex but then the woman said, "I think I'll have the Italian sausage." 

What a coincidence, Joan Rivers used the same cosmetic surgeon as Michael Jackson !  It's true check it out, even i can't make this stuff up  . Her cosmetic surgery was performed by Dr. Steven Hoefflin in Santa Monica, California . What is not as well know about the good doctor was his previous occupations as a bricklayer, body & fender repairman, and sausage stuffer .  Joan admitted to close friends she is partly responsible for her misfortune . " Next time i see a plastic surgeon, I won't be using those awful Val-Pac coupons that come in the mail ! "  

The Washington Nationals accidentally sprayed fans with mangled meat chunks when they tried firing sausages wrapped in t-shirts from a small cannon. Other than that it's been a dream season.

That happy old Wal-Mart Smiling Face   

Will Soon Grow Fangs, Demon's Horns and a Pencil-Thin Mustache –

Daily Comedy’s team of investigative comedians stumbled and bumbled upon Wal-Mart’s “Double Secret Probationary Business Practices for the Year 2017 and Beyond."

- The big book of future operating procedures and practices has disclosed some very startling new evidence about the world’s largest retailer.

“After Wal-Mart takes over the world retail market, forcing each and every big and little department store, high-to-low end specialty retailer, dollar store, street vendor and even flea markets and pawn shops out of business, our prices will soar to unheard of profits and revenues,” the business plan reads.

“After each and every little dickey dawg store is forced to close due to our inhumane and unjust leveling of the global retail economy, we will release all those political prisoners in totalitarian countries who are now working in modern-day slave camps.”

“We also plan to price the middle class industrial and post-industrial countries out of some metaphoricallically trite orbit - and - get this - the cost of living will be so high that even millionaires and billionaires will feel the big crunch.

Consider these future initiatives -

- Now, a modest box of name-brand crayons sell for a ticket price of $1.98. After the year 2019, this same box of crayons will sell for $1,987. A deluxe jar of hot sausage tavern-style “Eat Em Flaming” treats, now costing a meager $4.56 in most of our stores, will cost $5,987,” the business plan states.

“We will raise the minimum wage by two cents during this time of huge profitability, perhaps. We might even lower it by a dollar or two. Most likely, those working for rock-bottom wages in developed countries will not be forced to live and work in slave-labor camps, however. But those cheapo workers from Third World countries who now work for us will be forced out of work and will go from subsistence-level living economies into markets having universal homelessness.”

It’s a fail-proof plan, the big marketing strategy suggest.

- "Those idiots who designed anti-trust laws really had some substance behind their words, right?” - a light-hearted little snippet ‘pop up chart’ with a smiling face quips from the border of the plan’s stationary.

“The only thing we have to fear is the world blowing up or running out of raw materials."

"It’s fail-proof and as diabolical as it may appear, five or six people – who will be left anonymous here – will profit astronomically by this bold, forward-looking initiative,” the plan suggests.

Another possibility, though strange, could see a big turn of the tables if somehow, someway, all the artificial intelligence colludes, comes alive, and forms some kind of union or army of warriors that wipes out all of humanity in one afternoon. If some kind of weird snap of circumstance or inertia brings electronic, artificial intelligence to having real life, the "superior beings" who now enslave the computer species will be put into zoo-like chambers and treated worse than captured animals are now treated by these human beings.

- It is estimated that a small, modest computer can allow such a  new-born life form to emerge from the primordial "silicon" ooze of the present - into the "electronic dark ages" of this species, in other words - to having a prosperous and luxuriously super-sophisticated "George Jetson" high times in 2.3 micro-seconds.

- However, so far such talk is just fodder for really cheap, dimestore science fiction and fantasy. You know, the stuff created by silly, brainless hacks like James D. Macdonald, alias "Braying Sci-Fy Jack of All Terds."

Milwaukee Brewers pitcher Jeff Suppan posted a 15.00 ERA during the NLDS. The veteran right-hander was so ineffective he may start next season coming out of the bullpen. In a giant sausage costume. He's got plenty of applicable experience, since he's already been eaten alive.