Went to a Spanish store yesterday looking for black  shoe polish everything was in Spanish so I asked the cashier who happened to speak English where the black shoe polish was located, she looked at me and said negro over there...  I said who the hell you calling negro?

Fairbanks, Alaska.- Department of Fish and Game has put a halt to King Salmon fishing because of the low population reported by biologists that have been counting them for the past seven years. The count is so low, they've begun naming them.

 A CONVERSATION WITH GOD (Revised for John Roy)

INT. GOD’S KINGDON-DAY
Michael Jackson is walking thru a beautiful garden with God, he is nervous as this is his first conversation with God since checking in.

MICHAEL
 God I just wanted to say that I didn’t do those things they said I did on earth.

God looks at Michael and smiles as he keeps walking.

GOD
Michael, I know you didn’t do those  things that’s why I made that kid tell the truth. I also want to say I’m sorry for taking you right now I know it was bad timing, but I just couldn't wait anymore. I was going to take you way back when but changed my mind at the last minuet, sorry about burning your hair.

Michael look’s at God.

MICHAEL
You did that?

God smiles! Michael and God walk into a open room with mirrors, Michael is confused.

MICHAEL (CONT’D)
Why are we here?

God looks at Michael,smiles and walks into the mirror suddenly we hear music playing it’s the sound track for Thriller, Michael is confused and looks around but can only see his reflection, then there out of the mirror God appears again but this time he has on one glove and penny loafers, he walks up to Michael.

GOD
Can you teach me how to Moon Walk?

CUT TO:

WIDE SHOT.
Michael looks at God for a few seconds, music gets louder, Michael starts to tap his feet, then snaps his fingers, does a quick move and grabs himself.

MICHAEL
Sham-on you know it!

The End

 There are reports that God fainted like 13 year old school girl from excitement when Michael Jackson arrived at the pearly gates. Mr. Jackson has several concerts schedule including a birthday party in December!

RIP MJ

...the National Marine Fisheries Service has released a wide-ranging plan to help the struggling native Chinook salmon population by allowing the salmon to own & operate their own casino.  Games will include blackjack, poker, and go-fish. 

Traces of salmonella on pistachios has left many people reluctant to handle their nuts.

The pistachio recall comes on the heels of a salmonella outbreak in peanuts.  In fact, the only nut the FDA knows for sure is not infected with salmonella is Joquain Phoenix.

Bad news for the one guy who eats them.

Madoff complained about the jailhouse food and wanted something different. "Hey, don't you  poor yokels even have peanut butter around here?"  A guard was quick to comply with a jar of Skiffie from a 3-month old lot processed by the Peanut Corporation of America. Said the guard, "Wait until the salmonella kicks in!"