An extremely successful salesman once told me:  "If you would be interesting to others, tell men things they've never heard; tell women what they want to hear." 

A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, and a greasy little salesman runs up to him, and yells, "Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!"

The golfer, annoyed, says, "What is it?"

"It's a special golf ball," says the salesman. "You can never lose it!"

"Whattaya mean," scoffs the golfer, "you can never lose it? What if you hit it into the water?"

"No problem," says the salesman. "It floats, and it detects where the shore is, and spins towards it."

"Well, what if you hit it into the woods?"

"Easy," says the salesman. "It emits a beeping sound, and you can find it with your eyes closed."

"Okay," says the golfer, impressed. "But what if your round goes late and it gets dark?"

"No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the dark! I'm telling you, you can never lose this golf ball!"

The golfer buys it at once. "Just one question," he says to the salesman. "Where did you get it?"

"I found it."  

What started as a routine test drive ended up being a marathon trip across the country with a kidnapped car salesman. The 32-year-old suspect went to a Honda dealership in Massachusetts and he and the salesman went on a test drive. But the guy refused to turn back around and the salesman was trapped in the car until he finally escaped when the driver slowed down at a tollbooth near the Massachusetts state line. Police finally caught up with the driver over 1,000 miles away in Wisconsin! He was arrested and charged with speeding, reckless driving kidnapping and operating a motor vehicle without owner consent.  ***MARLAR: After finally being stopped the driver did offer to buy the car – but for a discount because it had so many miles on it.

A Massachusetts man who allegedly kidnapped a car salesman during a test drive and drove the vehicle more than 1,000 miles was in custody in Wisconsin. He was charged with 'pulling a Kramer.'

 

So this guy goes to a carpet store. The salesman tells him to take his shoes off and try the different grades of carpet. He steps on the first one and says " Hey, that's pretty nice, what's that?". The salesman says " That's Stainmaster and it's 50 per square yard". The guy steps on the next one and says " That's incredible, what's that?". The salesman says " That's 100% wool and it's 100 per square yard". The guy steps on the next one, a really deep shag, and says "This is amazing. I am in love, what's this?" The salesman says " I can't sell you this, it costs too much." The guy says " Why not?". The salesman says " Governor Sanford, that's Argentinian beaver and it will cost you everything.".

So this guy goes to a carpet store. The salesman tells him to take his shoes off and try the different grades of carpet. He steps on the first one and says " Hey, that's pretty nice, what's that?". The salesman says " That's Stainmaster and it's 50 per square yard". The guy steps on the next one and says " That's incredible, what's that?". The salesman says " That's 100% wool and it's 100 per square yard". The guy steps on the next one, a really deep shag, and says "This is amazing. I am in love, what's this?" The salesman says " I can't sell you this, it costs too much." The guys says " Why not?". The salesman says " Governor Sanford, that's Argentinian beaver and it will cost you everything.".

Michael Jackson realized he was going to have to face Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. So having little to no options,he decided to hit Mays in the head and get the best salesman he could for the job.

Now that he is no longer governor, Blagojevich could probably get a job as a salesman.  Anyone who has the talent to to sell a Senate seat could probably sell fire in Hell.  And eventually he will get that opportunity. 

George W. Bush during a press conference overseas recently. Under the strict codes of the magnanimous, beneficent side of Islam, this equates to the former President having a bright future in something he could possibly handle as a retiree - he will probably do well as a door-to-door shoe salesman.