Cleaning up after 8 years of the Bush Administration is like having a six pound wad of gum in your hair. Except everybody to the left of you keeps trying to YANK it out, while everybody to the right keeps trying to tell you what a lovely, grape-scented hat you're wearing... 

 Wilbur and Orville Wright inventers of one of the first airplanes. Shown are the brothers before they even thought of building an airplane. Their inspiration to conceive of the idea baffles them both.

The green movement is claiming that "diaper-free babies" will help save the planet.  That’s right – no diapers on babies at all.  They say disposable diapers create landfill waste, while washing cloth diapers pollutes the water.  So what is their solution?  Their "retro, cutting-edge, environmentally-friendly" idea is to encourage moms to let their babies go diaperless and carry tight-lidded buckets with them. They suggest parents get in tune with the baby's bodily signals, and when it's ready to, well, “let fly,” hold the baby over the bucket, a toilet, bushes, or any convenient receptacle.  ***MARLAR: How about holding the baby over the head of anyone who suggests this?  You think sitting next to a baby on an airplane is bad now…

   An elderly local sign-maker found that he had in stock over 20,000 somewhat dated placards, declaring :  "The Customer Is Always Right."

   The oldtimer was not optimistic about selling these signs --until he got an idea and made a quick phone call.

   Fox News bought them all. 

Kobe Bryant is reportedly nursing a sore right groin. Hopefully not in Colorado.

Authorities in a small North Dakota coal mining town want bar owners to install surveillance systems after a rush of brawls that some people liken to those seen in John Wayne’s western movies. Oliver County State’s Attorney Mike Liffrig’s proposal includes requiring owners to report fights immediately. Some bar owners oppose the surveillance, one bar owner Tom Merion said it would violate his patron’s right to speak freely. Mr. Merion was then cold cocked by a customer having a drink at his bar. The customer was heard yelling “Who you calling a patron.”

Stephen Jackson says he's shocked the media has labeled him as a bad guy. We're shocked the media finally got a story right.

Sponge Bob has bought the naming rights to the famous equation:

E=mc2.It will now be referred to, as E=mc2pants. 

Lamar Odom says he wants to start having children with Khloe Kardashian right away. That way, their six-month marriage will still encompass most of the pregnancy.

According to Census figures, there's over 50,000 Americans right now who are 100 years old. ***MARLAR: When asked the secret to a long life, 73% of them answered, "Breathing.”