Allen Iverson is considering quitting basketball. So he can catch up with the rest of the Grizzlies.

Hundreds of senior citizens outside Chicago got an unexpected Halloween treat Saturday -- a free party sponsored by a jilted bride. Six days before Teanne Harris was to walk down the aisle, her fiancé called off the wedding. And when Harris and her mother went to the catering hall to cancel the reception, they were told their deposit was nonrefundable. That's when Harris noticed the Asbury Court Retirement Community across the street. So instead of letting a Halloween-themed wedding reception go to waste, Harris, 34, decided to move the party to the retirement home. It was a great time for all involved.  ***MARLAR: Plus she found a lot of eligible bachelors.

He'll back up Brett Favre.

Hollywood Headliner reports that "longtime chimp friend of Michael Jackson, Bubbles, died suddenly last Monday and was secretly buried alongside the deceased superstar. The ape was even rumored to be wearing the famous white glove!"

Members of the Minnesota Vikings say they're happy the team has acquired Brett Favre. Mainly for the retirement party.

I was a brilliant triangle player,in a major Symphony.I was forced into retirement due to acute boredom.

Former President George Bush was visited by Katie Couric today at his ranch in Crawford Texas . " Mr. President , what do you think of the recent flap over President Obama's racial comments regarding Professor Gates and the Cambridge Police  Dept. , his failed attempt at health care reform , the rising unemployment rate , the increase in home foreclosures and personal bankruptcies , the wasted taxpayer bailout money that went to G.M. , his inability to get the Iranians and North Koreans to stop building nuclear weapons , and the continued downward spiral the U.S. economy seems to be heading in ? "  Bush replied by singing  " Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay , My, oh my, what a  Stupidly wonderful day ! "

Before his death Walter Cronkite was said to still be very bitter with C.B.S. about his forced and early retirement . " I can't understand why they got rid of me and continue to keep Andy Rooney on the payroll ?  "   Cronkite went on to say ,  " I was a journalist that covered every major assignment in the world and Rooney talks about his paperclip and button collection, his messy desk, old smelly clothes, and how little he knows about the produce department inside a supermarket ! "  " I bet he'll screw up at my funeral too! "

 Lance Armstrong, despite having battled testicular cancer, is on the verge of regaining the Yellow Jersey in the Tour De France.  He, after ending a 3 1/2 year retirement, is poised to win for the eighth time.  Word is he is in negotiations to sign a book deal with a major publisher after retiring, from cycling, for good.  The memoir “Having A Ball And Winning Too” promises to be an inspiration to all.

This is a “can’t wait for” read from the man who is to bicycle racing what John Henry was to horse racing: A MOST SUCCESSFUL GELDING!

The House has passed a bill where people can sell their used cars for a huge cash credit. It’s called the “Jay Leno Retirement Plan”.