The economy has gotten so bad that I had to say goodbye to my stockbroker.

I now have my pawnbroker on speed-dial. 

The people who are happy about the recession are makers of foreclosure signs and pink slips.  

The recession is affecting American's in every way imaginable.  It's trickled from housing purchases all the way down to who you date.  I've recently considered dating Kate Gosselin; not because i'm attracted to her, but because I know how many foodstamps you can get with 8 kids.

Recession ends in 79 metro areas.......unfortunately, the unemployment lines do not.

Playing penny slot machines has increased dramatically since the recession. 

"You can play longer with less money on penny slots.", says the newsletter, Indiana Gaming Insight. Their next insightful article: "Free, Unlimited Alcohol Provided by Casinos Impairs Judgement During Blackjack Card Counting".

The recession has hit the NFL, causing many teams to offer innovative promotions to attract fans. The New York Jets, for instance, are offering “half-season ticket” plans. Choose between the September/October “1969 Again!” package, or the dirt cheap November/December, “4 Months ‘Til Fucking Baseball Season!” plan.

New headline..instead of.."Barrage of poor earnings REVIVES global recession worries"  it should read..." Global recession stiffens with sucking of earnings ".....

Pedro Martinez was placed on the 15-day disabled list Wednesday shortly after agreeing to a $1 million, one-year contract with the Philadelphia  Phillies. Only in America can a guy be hired to do a job that pays over $2700 a day and then be forced to take an immediate two week vacation.

www.jerrywolski.com

According to the USA Today, an increase in unemployment has prompted an increase in pregnancies nationwide. Apparently, women seem to want a lot more sex these days. These women do not live in my complex.