Barack Obama recently said in a candid interview how being  president has affected his health . When I was elected last November I looked young and virile like actor Will Smith . Now a year later I feel tired and old . My hair has turned white . I look more like the guy on the box of Uncle Ben's Rice !  

The undermanned New Jersey Nets had to use a chair in place of a player during a recent practice. The chair scored 25 and pulled down 7 boards.

www.jerrywolski.com

Cemetery workers in Najaf, Iraq, have expressed ironic sorrow over the recent downturn in violence in that city. They admitted they had kind of grown accustomed to the income from the estimated 6,500 caskets a month that they sold. Those numbers have fallen to below 4,000 a month and many in the death industry around Najaf say they have suffered significant loss of business.  ***MARLAR: So now they’re selling discount AK-47’s. 

After Ged Galvin's recent car crash, a medical team took a muscle from above his knee, wrapped it around his sphincter, and then attached electrodes to the nerves. He now presses a remote control to open his bowels and go to the toilet.

It works great except when his neighbor activates the garage door opener, he shits his pants.

There was a robbery at a sperm bank recently.The crook got away with several million singles. 

in light of recent economic times, I will not be mailing out fruit baskets this year as I am opting for sending out individual pieces of fruit in the mail...if you happen to receive an apple or an orange, it's likely from me....

I really believe in global warming.I stared at the sun recently,and I'm much blinder than the last time I stared at the sun.

 Joe Perry recently stated that Aerosmith won't be waiting for Steven Tyler to return to the fold. Well, if they need a singer with a busted face, Susan Boyle's available.

Two students claim they were recently pushed by Michigan athletic director Bill Martin. It's never a good sign when your AD has more fight in him than your football team.