Last year 60 Minutes eldery anti-social dust collector, Andy Rooney did his thing about the Airlines . " I really hate flying almost as much as I hate the holidays or getting up in the morning . When I do fly, I always make sure I get an isle seat on a crowded airplane . This way if we do make an emergency landing, I'll be the first one to stumble and fall . The thought of me trapping so many innocent, panic filled passengers evacuating a burning aircraft, makes me feel all warm and tingly inside "

Thousands of bees swarmed outside a New York City game store, trapping employees inside for hours. Worried employees looked out the window of the store while talking on the phone as the bees clustered Saturday afternoon. Eventually, a police bee specialist arrived and used a scent of a queen bee to collect the rest of the swarm. The officer observed most of the workers doing nothing about the situation, but they did have a tight grip on their joysticks.

Hospitals in rural parts of the midwest and deep south have been reporting increased numbers of males in their late 30s and early 40s showing up with circulation issues mainly in their forearms and hands.

Upon further investigation it was discovered that these men were wrapping their arms in rubberbands to mourn the passing of WWF superstar Captain Lou Albano.

Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. Will he rip off the shiny, gold-colored aluminum wrapping and scarf the chocolate inside or put it on his mantle at home with his Oscar made of Gummi Bears and the Miss America tiara made from pipe cleaners and glitter?

Category: Writing and Poetry Chaz-izims update Aug 18, 2008 or the Weekly Freaky Speaky Updizzy My Nizzy. "If you're to cool to Holla, then sit still & swalla!" AntiEbonyx: (prn: An-Tee E-bon-icks) 1.Treatment used to rehabilitate caucasians (i.e. whites, Honkies, the Man, Cracka, Wigga, Brady Bunch and Wood) suffering from a severe form of Terets Syndrome in which these individuals uncontrolably speak and act as if they were inter city Afro-American males struggling to survive the daily socio-economic trials and tribulations of being cursed as Black man in the White Devil's Paradise. Most will claim that they grew up with the same hardships and predjudice as any "Homie" today dealing with the reality that the only way up and out of the gutters of thier hoods and projects is by Pimpin, Slangin, Ballin, Hoopin, Rappin, Prison or a Pine Box. So since these infected whites live this life 24/7, Hood Slang is thier native toung. This claim becomes lame just soon as you notice thier waivering conviction falters when thier voice gets soft and a quick glance over the sholder to see if the coast is clear before dropping the "N-Bomb" in public. 10)Triminagen: (prn: Try men again) 1. All natural, non-persciption, inexpensive treatment for lesbians.WARNING: side effects are; loss of breath, sweating, nausia, gagging, sore thoat, inflamed colon, bruised nipples, shaking leg, mod swings ranging from bliss and laughter to guilt and shame, in some cases suiside, can be habit forming, if you become uncontrolably dependent to this treatment call us immediately! Any time, any where. our cracked out responce team is standing by our hot lines ready to give you hands on treatment attacking the situation from all angles, probing all oppertunities, multiple entries if nessisary. Our large staff will work long and hard to ensure that all your needs are met, working as many shifts as nessisary to achive 100% customer satisfaction. We are hard pressed to find a cure so we will go down and rub out all lesbians of the world because together, we can lick this. 11)Here are some fun names to use for prank calls, making reservations or paging people in public. Ivitch Urcaukopft: (prn: I bit your cock off) Juanna Belle Jolla: (prn: Wanna blow ya) Juan Opena: (prn: One up in ya) His older brother Ben Opena: (prn: 'been up in ya) Rick Dees Gentury: (prn like asian: Lick these gently) Ishia Kama-Gazura:(prn like asian:Is she a cum guzzler?) EsQuintin Tarintiseyo: (prn: Squinting tearing tissue, name I would use if I was an annal porn film director) 4:31 PM Speak July 24, 2008 - Thursday Category: Life Here are some "Chaz-izms" that I've come up with. Feel free to use, share comment or simply ignore any of these. 1)Verbal Masterbation:(prn:ver-Ball mas-Ter-Bay-shun)1 .speaking solely for one's own personal satisfaction, 2. mostly people in love with the sound of there own voice. 2)Macholism: (prn:mah-Chow-liz-em)1.the infectious lowering of I.Q. in men when gathered together around women or sporting events. Beer and fried food will accelerate the syndrome instantly which will usually lead to a "pissing contest" then ultimatly a fight. 3)Mattriculate: (prn: My Trick, You Late)1.how a Pimp would address his employee,("Ho" or "bi-atch"), for being tardy. 2."Sir/Maam, you are not on time". 4)Ephelleippy: (prn: F,L,I,P.)1. a form of terret's syndrome that retards a Filipino's abillity to pronounce the letters "F" or "V" properly. 2. this number "75" would be pronounced "seh-Ben-ti Pie-b". ex."I tink da singer Frince is a pagot".

I got new Chaz-izms for you. July 25, 2008 - Friday Current mood: froggy 5)Contemporary: (prn:Con-tem-poor-RAH-ree) 1. To be involved in any illegal or immoral skee-los occasionally for brief periods only. 2. "I'm 100% legit now but I'm behind on my court and probation fees which is why I'm only doin this CON-TEMPORARY like, then I'm out, for good this time". 6)Omnipotent: (prn: Ahm-nip-O-tent) 1. Sterile 2. Unable to impregnate. 3."Bitch, i can't be your baby daddy cuz omnipotent!" 7)Dysentery: (prn: dis-in terr-EE) 1. To mock or disrespect a person named Terry. 2."Yo, why you always be dyssintery?" 8)Monogamy: (prn: Mah-noh-gah-ME) 1. Type of wood used on pimped outsteering wheels and dash boards. 2. "Nothin spells class with a capital "K" other than imported french monogamy wood trim in my S-ka-laid". 12:19 AM Speak July 24, 2008 - Thursday Category: Life Here are some "Chaz-izms" that I've come up with. Feel free to use, share comment or simply ignore any of these. 1)Verbal Masterbation:(prn:ver-Ball mas-Ter-Bay-shun)1 .speaking solely for one's own personal satisfaction, 2. mostly people in love with the sound of there own voice. 2)Macholism: (prn:mah-Chow-liz-em)1.the infectious lowering of I.Q. in men when gathered together around women or sporting events. Beer and fried food will accelerate the syndrome instantly which will usually lead to a "pissing contest" then ultimatly a fight. 3)Mattriculate: (prn: My Trick, You Late)1.how a Pimp would address his employee,("Ho" or "bi-atch"), for being tardy. 2."Sir/Maam, you are not on time". 4)Ephelleippy: (prn: F,L,I,P.)1. a form of terret's syndrome that retards a Filipino's abillity to pronounce the letters "F" or "V" properly. 2. this number "75" would be pronounced "seh-Ben-ti Pie-b". ex."I tink da singer Frince is a pagot".

Why to Love the Homeless in NYC

1. They have creative ways to beg for money such as sitting on the church steps as the people are coming out. They get them at their guiltiest.
2. They have signs that say, “Stranded and away from home and lost everything in a fire.” We don’t know if it is true for sure but it gets the change going
3. Some are honest with signs that say, “Give me a buck, I need a beer.” At least they are honest.
4. Some get clever with their signs. One guy was world’s sexiest bum. Hey, at least he has something he is good at. Cant say the same about people with houses.
5. Some have skills like singing, dancing, rapping and writing poetry. They are better than a lot of folks who audition for American Idol.
6. Most obviously have drug habits but they do clever things to support their addiction. One guy stole some flowers and tried to sell them to me. At least he was a nice crack head.
7. Some are their own radio stations and they play better stuff than some of the crap on the air.
8. Some insists they are being followed by the government and know George W. Bush’s plots. Perhaps they are right.
9. They live in a cardboard box. Therefore they don’t have to pay any bills
10. When people like me make fun of them there is always some self righteous anal retentive jackass who will give me the smack down.