People who ridiculed the Richmond, Virginia grocery chain Ukrop's for years by calling it Ukrap's now have a new name to play with. Dutch supermarket group Ahold has bought Ukrop's, opening up a whole new can of ridicule. Even more amusing, the company's full name is Royal Ahold.

The thought of buying your groceries from a company called Ahold is probably why Ukrop's will be renamed Martin's. Since it's a Dutch company, let's hope they tell their new employees to wash their hands after putting their fingers in any dikes.

An Alaska dentist has given a bald eagle a unique beak - using a temporary crown, sticky poster putty and yellow highlighter. The bird was found in December with severe damage to its beak, apparently from fishing line that wrapped around it and started cutting into it.  Cindy Palmatier at the Bird Treatment and Learning Center says staff there decided to turn to dentist Kirk Johnson, who thought of patching up the beak with the same material used to make temporary crowns for people.  The "crown" is being held on with poster putty, and Johnson colored it in using highlighter to give it a yellow tint. The bird center says the eagle is doing just fine but won't be able to return to the wild.  ***MARLAR: Because even the animal kingdom sees ugly nose jobs. 

The Energizer Bunny will be driving a Toyota Prius! 

Josh Howard could be headed to the Toronto Raptors. Because Canada has much better pot.

I don't know for sure but it seems like the TV show "The Biggest Loser" has been on for a thousand years and I don't know anyone that watches it.

I watched it once or twice when I was in the hospital and bored shitless.

These people aren't just fat, they're huge, enormous, gigantic.  They abuse the privilege.

All they do on the damn show is cry.  They cry from the start of the show till the end.  They cry when they're happy, when they're sad, when they eat, when they sleep and I don't know for sure but they probably cry when they crap.

Is that part of being FAT?  Are their tear ducts fat too, and holding too much water?

They start out needing a sponge, then it goes to towels and then a mop.  By the end of the show they are crying BUCKETS.

NOW THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT???? 

Well, knowing the frequency of rape in this country's prisons, maybe Rip Torn should change his name to something a little less provocative.

Sentencing is set for April 12 for a Southern California man who was pulled over driving a big rig containing 14 tons of marijuana. When asked about the incident, rapper Snoop Dog said it he didn’t know the driver and had no idea where the truck was going. Although he did admit that he just purchased 14,000 disposable lighters.