I was on a porn site and saw a thumbnail entitled "Tranny Has A Great Ass". Oh yeah, that just totally makes up for the cock, doesn't it? 

Rudy Gay said the odds of him signing a contract extension are at 50-50. Those are the same odds that googling his name will bring you to a gay porn site.

"Checking schedule on laptop" will soon be added to the Urban Dictionary as an expression meaning "looking at Internet porn."

The University of Chicago is joining a nationwide trend of allowing male and female students to live not just on the same dorm floor but in the same dorm room. The university’s open housing program won’t include freshman and students won’t need parental permission to participate. In a related story, the Chicago area retailers have noticed a significant increase in the sale of glow in the dark condoms, porn and night vision goggles.

However, I'm most definitely not going to see "Splooge Bob Square Pants."

 Learn the trick, dicovered by a pornstar to turn yellow teeth white for under $5.00

I wonder if Native Americans celebrate Columbus day...It'd be like Detroit celebrating slavery.

There was a sign in the road that said no "U" turns, too bad it left out the cursive "V" turn....or upside down “n” turn......I think I'll take the cursive "V".

I know a genius....to bad he's retarded. 

When I was a kid, soccer was my anti drug, now that i'm all grown up, marijuana is my gateway drug. 

Cocaine is just sugar all grown up....Have you ever had the all grown up frosted flakes? ...............THEY'RRRRRRRRRRRREE... addictive

My girlfriend is so clingy and obsessed, i have a better chance getting rid of herpes than her.

Flies are like the herpes of insects, you can get rid of them for a while, but they always come back...ant's are like crabs....fucking everywhere.

Edible underwear are just fruit roll ups tied into a pretzel.

I'm pretty sure i'm good at drinking....but i don't remember.

I got a golden glove, not in baseball, in boxing....I always caught a good punch...with my face

I hate male porn stars, they make me feel shitty about myself.... and last time i tried to choke a girl like they do, she just kicked the shit out of me.

I tried hard in school....until the second day came.

Guys, I figured out what turns a girl on, the power button.

I'm good at sex, I've gotten every girl I've had sex with to scream “Get Off!!!” interpret that anyway you please.

My mind sucks at wandering....it always gets stuck in the gutter

I live life in the fast lane....of a traffic jam.

(talking to the crowd)Over the years, i've realized i'm a lot funnier the drunker you are......to an extent.

I approach every math problem with the same thing... a blank stare

I was late for work the other day, and my boss asked me why i was late, so i told him i got lost....He asked where....

I don't think prostitutes ever got the bird and the bees talk.

People say God is flawless...Have you ever seen the people from Kentucky??? The big guy forgot to double check that one.

If Jesus was the greatest man to walk the earth, can I be the second best?

I don't think Hitler was loved enough as a child.

In a world of stiff competition,Levi has decided to reveal his Johnston. Porn is only inches away. 

Lucy Vodden, who provided the inspiration for the Beatle's classic song "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" has died.

Although Jai Antwang, the japanese porn star is still living large after being the inspiration for the hit "Yellow Submarine".

Burt Reynolds checked into Florida drug rehab facility last week for what his publicist said was an addiction to pain killers. The 72 year old actors equally famous 70's porn style mustache also entered rehab for what is publicist said was an addiction to Burt Reynolds.