If you ever want to know who loves you the most, between your wife and your dog, here is a sure fire way to find out:

Take them both for a ride in your car. Then, when you get to your destination, lock both of them in the trunk for an hour and see which one is happiest to see you when you come back.

A Pennsylvania woman is facing trial on animal cruelty charges for marketing "gothic kittens" with ear and neck piercings over the Internet.  Prosecutors are saying that thirty-five-year-old dog groomer Holly Crawford inflicted pain on the cats to make money, but she says she was not trying to hurt the kittens. Crawford said she used sterilized needles and made sure the kittens were healing properly.  ***MARLAR: So let me see if I understand this.  Giving your cat adorable little earrings is cruel... but cutting off your cat's testicals isn’t?

Gilbert Arenas has written an op-ed piece for The Washington Post. That's Arenas for you: always shooting from the hip.

 An old classic -----Three blondes meet at the Pearly Gates of heaven. St. Peter gave them an entrance exam. He asked the first blond, “What is Easter?”
She answered, “Oh, that’s easy. It’s in November and we all eat turkey…”
“Wrong,” St. Peter said. “You can’t come in.” He asked the second blonde, “What is Easter?”
“Oh, that’s in December, when we celebrate the birth of Christ, and exchange gifts, and eat lots of turkey.”
“No, no,” St. Peter said, looking discouraged. He turned to the third blonde and said, “Can you tell me what Easter is?”
“Of course,” he said. “Jesus was crucified by the Romans. They nailed him to the cross, made him wear a crown of thorns, and pierced his side. His friends buried him in a cave and sealed it with a stone.”
“Excellent,” St. Peter said. “Go on.”
“On Easter, they roll away the stone, and Jesus rises. If he sees his shadow, we’ll have six more weeks of winter.”

 A PETA protester hit Fisheries and Oceans Minister Gail Shea in the face with a tofu cream pie.  If George Bush had been the target, he would have been hit with a shoo-fly pie.

A man in Cincinnati was killed when his 350 pound wife sat on him, causing him to suffocate.  His last words were, "Can I have that last piece of pizza?"

Today, Prosecuters in Illinois have to prove in a pre-trial hearing that there is enough evidence to take former police officer Drew Peterson to trial for killing at least one of his former wives.

First piece of evidence: his love for Polka.

He keeps singing "Roll out the Barrel".