Despite getting lectured by PETA, Al Gore says he isn't going on a vegetarian diet to save the planet. Hey, Al's so fat, if he just goes on any kind of diet, he may save the planet.

The three rebelled after the recent murder, complaining about their conditions. Said Levin, "They ran after my wife, so I had to cut off their tails with a carving knife." An investigation by PETA is underway.

Edward Eugene Harper accused child molester and one of the FBI's 10 Most Wanted Fugitives, was apprehended Thursday in Wyoming.  In 1994 Harper was indicted for conspiracy to commit sexual battery, fondling a child and sexual battery.  He has been living on Wyoming since 1994, working odd jobs and herding sheep.  Incidentally, he is also on PETA’s most wanted list for committing similar crimes. 

PETA is upset that President Obama killed a fly in an inhumane manner.Actor Jeff Goldblum is also reportedly crushed.

Next month in Seattle, the famed Fishmonger from Pike Place Fish Market will be on display tossing dead fish as a demonstration.  PETA of course finds this to be disrespectful and will be there to protest.  Must be a slow month for PETA. 

Hey PETA, this morning I killed a fly, stepped on an ant and now I'm going out to beat all of the worms in my garden.  Take that BITCHES! 

I think I've gotten too serious about animal issues.I opened up a shelter for battered shrimp. 

PETA is working in conjunction with the ACLU to file a law suit for defamation of character for unjustly blaming pigs for said Swine Flu outbreak. PETA president Ingrid Newkirk said, "We have every right to sooey!"

Scientists have recently come under criticism from PETA for using rats in research. Rats were used in earlier days of research because people didn't really care that rats suffered.  PETA is now trying to convince science to use the Jonas Brothers instead.

PETA activists showed up at Madison Square Garden this week dressed in KKK outfits to protest the breeding practices of The American Kennel Club. MSG hasn't seen a display that offensive since the Knicks' last home game.

 A US Airways pilot guided his jetliner into the Hudson River after a flock of birds knocked out both its engines just after takeoff.  The pilot is a hero to everyone except perhaps PETA.