An upstate New York high school senior suspended for 20 days because of a two-inch knife is fighting back. Matthew Whalen's family has retained a lawyer to appeal the suspension and clear his record. Lansingburgh Central School District Superintendent George Goodwin punished Whalen for having the small utility knife in a tool kit that was locked in the teen's car. Goodwin ruled it was a weapon that is forbidden on school property under Lansingburgh's "zero-tolerance" policy on weapons. Whalen -- an honor student, Eagle Scout and National Guardsman -- is scheduled to return to school Wednesday. He wants the suspension expunged because he's worried it might hurt his chances of gaining admission to the U.S. Military Academy.  ***MARLAR: These zero-intelligence policies leave no room for logic.  Why would you have to go out to your car to go get your knife when you could just as easily use a sharpened pencil to get the job done?  And pencils aren’t banned!  And if you really want to inflict pain on someone in the classroom, go for a paper cut with lemon juice – those aren’t banned yet either. 

That guy is raking in the money.  Remember all those test in school that required a number 2 pencil?  That's what drove the guys that made the number 1 and number 3 pencils out of business.  You don’t see those pencils anywhere.  Makes you wonder if the number 2 pencil guy had a friend at the test printing place. 

U.S. TEENAGERS MAKE DRAMATIC STRIDES AGAINST INTERNATIONAL COMPETITION

CHICAGO. U.S. high school students, who for years have lagged behind their peers in other nations, made dramatic strides against international competition on standardized tests in 2006.

"Your mother told me to tell you to finish your homework, but I forgot."

"American teenagers have finally put down their game controllers and hit the books," said national PTO President Ellen Kaye. "Now maybe I'll get a chance to play Grand Theft Auto on my son's XBox."

But other nations who fell behind say the reason American students gained ground was that U.S. tests were dumbed down to their level.

Stefani:  "I'm on a test?  Awesome!"

"Look at this question," said Tagalog's Minister of Education Paulino Alcantara. 'Gwen Stefani is: (a) older than Madonna, (b) younger than Madonna, (c) the same person as Madonna, (d) none of the above.' That is so simple--she is hotter than Madonna, so 'd'."

(a) John Salley (b) Dennis Rodman (c) Bill Laimbeer (d) Hot Rod Hundley

In Chad, a poverty-stricken nation where annual per capita income is less than the weekly allowance received by sons and daughters of Hollywood producers, educators says their students were handicapped by the culturally-specific nature of some of the questions that the Educational Testing Service of Princeton, New Jersey, used. "My kids are bright, but none of them could identify the former Detroit Piston who appears on 'Best Damn Sports Show Period'," said Idriss Yoadimnadji, a high school principal. "We do not get cable here--just the Hippo Channel, and Hippo Channel II."

"Please pass the pencil."

Parents of students in Latvia, a Baltic country that was part of the former Soviet Union, complained that affluent American students had advantages over their children. "There are only three no. 2 lead pencils in the entire country," said Emsis Imdulis, a father of three children who lives in Straupe. "By the time we got the one they were using in Rauna, the test was over."

Copyright 2006, Con Chapman