The father of a 3-month old gorilla abandoned by its mother at the San Francisco Zoo has picked a handsome name for his son. Zookeepers on Wednesday set up five melons in the father gorilla’s enclosure, each one representing a different name. Oscar Jonesy, the father, chose the melon for “Hasani” which means “handsome in Swahili. The same gorilla was used by President Obama to choose his Cabinet.

We want to congratulate our Dear Leader for winning the Nobel Peace Prize. We hear he is also being considered for the American League MVP, the Heisman Trophy, and an Oscar. 

We wish Dear Leader the best of luck in all his great accomplishments. 

Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. Will he rip off the shiny, gold-colored aluminum wrapping and scarf the chocolate inside or put it on his mantle at home with his Oscar made of Gummi Bears and the Miss America tiara made from pipe cleaners and glitter?

"The Pianist" is an Oscar winning movie by director Roman Polanski and NOT the organ he used on a 13 year old girl in 1977..

Famed amputee runner Oscar Pistorius has been charged with assault. His victim tried to guess why, but was stumped.

I heard Ben Affleck and Matt Damon are working on a sequel to their 1997 Oscar winning screenplay.. The plot is similar to the original. This installment centers around the janitor at a thrift store with a genius I.Q. Proposed title... "Goodwill Hunting II"..

The famed Oscar Mayer Wienermobile crashed into a house in Milwaukee last week.

The bad news is the Wienermobile went into the house, penetrating through the garage, the good news is the garage was incredibly stimulated. 

It seems the young woman that crashed the wienermobile into a house, was very inexperienced at handling such massive objects..

So to avoid another such accident Oscar Mayer has brought in a consultant/ advisor. A certified expert with 25+ years in large wiener know-how and handling...Heidi Fleiss.

The Oscar Mayer Wienermobile crashed into a house in Wisconsin.It appears that the Wiener got the wurst of the incident. 

 The man behind the famous brand died last week at age 95. Oddly though he was buried with his head and feet outside the coffin. The family stated that this was because he was bun length.