People who ridiculed the Richmond, Virginia grocery chain Ukrop's for years by calling it Ukrap's now have a new name to play with. Dutch supermarket group Ahold has bought Ukrop's, opening up a whole new can of ridicule. Even more amusing, the company's full name is Royal Ahold.

The thought of buying your groceries from a company called Ahold is probably why Ukrop's will be renamed Martin's. Since it's a Dutch company, let's hope they tell their new employees to wash their hands after putting their fingers in any dikes.

A 13-year-old quarterback has signed a letter of intent with USC. He would have made a statement, but his voice kept cracking.

Republican Scott Brown beat Martha Coakley in a major upset in Massachusetts. While Coakley is pro-choice, anti-war, and supports health care reform, Brown has a cool truck and we’ve already seen his penis.

A New York City fourth-grader was sent to the principal's office and nearly suspended for bringing a 2-inch toy gun to school.  Nine-year-old Patrick Timoney and a friend were playing with Legos in the cafeteria at Public School 52 in Staten Island on Tuesday when Patrick produced the tiny plastic machine gun and put it in the hands of a plastic police officer.  After Patrick's mother got a call from the school, his parents met with the principal and persuaded her not to discipline him if he agreed to leave the toy gun at home.  The boy's father, also named Patrick Timoney, says principal Evelyn Mastroianni "went overboard."  ***MARLAR: The toy police officer has been suspended for not confiscating the gun from the fourth-grader. 

A body was discovered in the wheel well of a NY-to-Tokyo flight today. Health officials are trying to determine if the man died of hypothermia. Or plain old airline food. 

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As I sat watching The Who perform the song, "Who Are You?" during halftime, I was asking the same question...Who are the guys playing the bass and drums, and who are the two old dudes singing and playing guitar?