Barack Obama was so busy during his Asian trip that he forgot to buy souvenirs for his daughters.  Fortunately, he found a couple "made in China" T-shirts at a DC Wal-mart.  

Thanksgiving is less than a week away.  Like the rest of us,  celebrities are getting ready for the big holiday.  Today Pamela Anderson took her turkey in to have its breasts enhanced.  

The world is ending in 2012, of course it is...Oprahs ending her talk show in 2011. 

   You probably should not own a gun if:

   You consider road rage to be a viable philosophy.

   Your wife's longtime lover is becoming obnoxious about it.

   You think Russian Roulette is a stimulating parlor game.

   You've physically attacked a Jehovah's Witness, Mormon or girl scout for ringing your doorbell.

   You are convinced the anti-Christ keeps breaking into your car.

   Finally--and most concerning--a raspy voice in your head keeps telling you to seek immediate employment at the nearest post office.  

By 2011, Oprah will have been  talking virtually non-stop for 25 years--a record  surpassed only by Joe Biden.

Cleaning up after 8 years of the Bush Administration is like having a six pound wad of gum in your hair. Except everybody to the left of you keeps trying to YANK it out, while everybody to the right keeps trying to tell you what a lovely, grape-scented hat you're wearing... 

   A lot of those passionate young people who, during the hippified sixties, went around chanting, "Make love, not war!" eventually ended up doing both.

   They got married. 

UC's basketball  players would have joined the protest, but they couldn't find the classroom buildings.

Mind-blowing thirst on an uncomfortably full stomach. 

   A large,  vintage-rock FM radio station advertised for "one far-out disc jockey."

   Among hundreds of reasonably normal applicants, four badly disguised ETs applied for the job; their discs discreetly parked on the roof.