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Search "Nuke" returned 34 Jokes
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Neil Berliner
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Dubbya the Motivator!

By: Neil Berliner (C)
Submitted: Oct 27, 2009
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

George Bush

653 Jokes  17 Videos

George W. Bush is now a "motivational speaker".  He's apparently quite successful at it too; his first talk motivated the audience to register as Democrats and stop pronouncing it "Nuke-ya-lure".


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DARREN MARLAR
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Dad of All Bombs

By: DARREN MARLAR (C)
Submitted: Oct 20, 2009
Category: News  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Parents

1208 Jokes  31 Videos

Russia claims to have the "dad of all bombs." This bomb is said to be as destructive as a nuke but without the radiation, so it's "environmentally-friendly."  ***MARLAR: Because when you're decimating everything for miles around, you don't want to harm the environment.

 

 


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Ken Newton
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Kim Jong Il

By: Ken Newton (C)
Submitted: Jun 14, 2009
Category: Political  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Kim Jong-il

59 Jokes  2 Videos

Kim Jong Il

Kim Jong Il has threatened that Nuclear War chances are at the highest ever.  He is threatening to Nuke South Korea.  I'm no scientist but it seems that would be like North Carolina nuking South Carolina.  They're all going to die.  

Why is this guy such a pain in the ass?  Well, his first name is Kim and he's the size of an 11 year old pygmy.  Usually short people just buy a big pick-up truck to make up for their lack of size.  We should send him a big Hummer and a penis pump to make him feel better about himself. 

 


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Beth Schumann
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The Nuke Politics

By: Beth Schumann (C)
Submitted: Oct 4, 2008
Category: Political  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Election

525 Jokes  20 Videos

Dividing voters into "Red State" vs. "Blue State" is passe. Now its people who say "nuclear" vs. people who say "nucular." Ohio is still a swing state.


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Jill Twiss
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No Nukes in Iran

By: Jill Twiss 
Submitted: Dec 5, 2007
Category: Political  
From Hot Topic

Iran

176 Jokes

An intelligence study released this week reports that Iran halted its nuclear weapons program in 2003, contradicting earlier reports that the country was working quickly toward a nuclear bomb.

When asked how he could defend his previous statements threatening military action against Iran, President Bush replied, “Look, here in America, we ONLY attack countries that don’t have weapons.”

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Greg Contreras
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Cheney’s Irregular Heartbeat Caused by Nuke Report

By: Greg Contreras (C)
Submitted: Dec 4, 2007
Category: Political  
From Hot Topic

Dick Cheney

155 Jokes  1 Videos

Cheney’s Irregular Heartbeat Caused by Nuke ReportDecember 5, 2004; White House insiders say that Vice President Richard B. Cheney’s bout of arrhythmia was triggered when he was briefed on the latest National Intelligence Estimate report, which said that said Iran had likely ceased its weapons program in 2003.

According to anonymous sources, the Vice President grabbed his shotgun, jumped on his desk and yelled: “f**k ‘em, let's bomb ‘em anyway.”

The White House would neither confirm nor deny the report.

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John Morrison
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Coming up: WW III and tomorrow's weather...

By: John Morrison (C)
Submitted: Oct 17, 2007
Category: Political  
From Hot Topic

Iran

176 Jokes

Coming up: WW III and tomorrow's weather...President Bush warned Iran today that they would be raising the risk of World War III if the knowledge necessary to make a nuclear weapon ever fell into their hands. (Spoiler Alert: Iran, don't view the attached image!)

"WWIII? Now who would be dumb enough to start that, do you think?" murmured a tired and trembling planet.

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Greg Contreras
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Airforce Helps in Katrina Recovery

By: Greg Contreras (C)
Submitted: Sep 6, 2007
Category: News  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Cop

1357 Jokes  15 Videos

Airforce Helps in Katrina RecoveryA B-52 bomber was "mistakenly" loaded with five nuclear warheads and flown to Barksdale Air Force Base in Louisiana.

The "missing" nukes resulted in an Air Force-wide investigation, according to several officers who asked not to be identified because they were not authorized to discuss the incident.

They added: "we think they represent Bush's 'final solution' for Katrina reconstruction, but we can't be certain."

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Julia Gorin
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Gorgeous Gwen Stefani...in Friggin' Malaysia

By: Julia Gorin (C)
Submitted: Aug 22, 2007
Category: Entertainment  
From Hot Topic

Gwen Stefani

5 Jokes



From Breitbart.com:

American pop singer Gwen Stefani has wowed fans in Muslim-majority Malaysia, but dressed demurely to show virtually no skin after Islamic critics claimed her revealing clothes could corrupt the country's youth.


NEW RULE: If the majority of your anti-American country adheres to a religion that frowns on the playing of music, your citizens aren't allowed to enjoy American pop songs.

Stefani changed costumes for every song...but made sure she was fully covered while she belted out Rich Girl, Wind it Up, and Hollaback Girl among others.


NEW RULE: If your country doesn't allow entry to people with Israeli passports, you can't hear Gwen Stefani perform "Rich Girl," a remake of "If I Were a Rich Man" from Fiddler on the Roof.

Malaysia's government guidelines for public performances require a female artist to cover up from the top of her chest to her knees, including shoulders.


NEW RULE: If you're married to a half-Jew, you're not allowed to give concerts in countries that won't let even half a Jew in.

General New Rule: If you're trying to bomb civilization back to the 7th Century, you can't use 20th Century technology such as cell phones and laptops -- and nukes, OK? (Seriously, dude, you look hilarious yapping on a cell phone in that nightgown. The word is anacronym.)

Unrelated New Rule: Democrats aren't allowed to shop at Wal-Mart.

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Frank Lovece
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Headlines of our times

By: Frank Lovece (C)
Submitted: Feb 3, 2007
Category: Political  
From Hot Topic

Iran

176 Jokes

AM New York, Aug. 24, 2006,

"Iran nuke talks too little: U.S."

Well, you know our country. We always liked those chatty smart bombs.

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