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An intelligence study released this week reports that Iran halted its nuclear weapons program in 2003, contradicting earlier reports that the country was working quickly toward a nuclear bomb.
When asked how he could defend his previous statements threatening military action against Iran, President Bush replied, “Look, here in America, we ONLY attack countries that don’t have weapons.”
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 December 5, 2004; White House insiders say that Vice President Richard B. Cheney’s bout of arrhythmia was triggered when he was briefed on the latest National Intelligence Estimate report, which said that said Iran had likely ceased its weapons program in 2003.
According to anonymous sources, the Vice President grabbed his shotgun, jumped on his desk and yelled: “f**k ‘em, let's bomb ‘em anyway.”
The White House would neither confirm nor deny the report.
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 President Bush warned Iran today that they would be raising the risk of World War III if the knowledge necessary to make a nuclear weapon ever fell into their hands. (Spoiler Alert: Iran, don't view the attached image!)
"WWIII? Now who would be dumb enough to start that, do you think?" murmured a tired and trembling planet.
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 A B-52 bomber was "mistakenly" loaded with five nuclear warheads and flown to Barksdale Air Force Base in Louisiana.
The "missing" nukes resulted in an Air Force-wide investigation, according to several officers who asked not to be identified because they were not authorized to discuss the incident.
They added: "we think they represent Bush's 'final solution' for Katrina reconstruction, but we can't be certain."
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From Breitbart.com:
American pop singer Gwen Stefani has wowed fans in Muslim-majority Malaysia, but dressed demurely to show virtually no skin after Islamic critics claimed her revealing clothes could corrupt the country's youth.
NEW RULE: If the majority of your anti-American country adheres to a religion that frowns on the playing of music, your citizens aren't allowed to enjoy American pop songs.
Stefani changed costumes for every song...but made sure she was fully covered while she belted out Rich Girl, Wind it Up, and Hollaback Girl among others.
NEW RULE: If your country doesn't allow entry to people with Israeli passports, you can't hear Gwen Stefani perform "Rich Girl," a remake of "If I Were a Rich Man" from Fiddler on the Roof.
Malaysia's government guidelines for public performances require a female artist to cover up from the top of her chest to her knees, including shoulders.
NEW RULE: If you're married to a half-Jew, you're not allowed to give concerts in countries that won't let even half a Jew in.
General New Rule: If you're trying to bomb civilization back to the 7th Century, you can't use 20th Century technology such as cell phones and laptops -- and nukes, OK? (Seriously, dude, you look hilarious yapping on a cell phone in that nightgown. The word is anacronym.)
Unrelated New Rule: Democrats aren't allowed to shop at Wal-Mart.
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