Sources close to the negotiations say that if Obama will agree to be interviewed, Fox News headquarters will allow an inspection of their nuclear program. 

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Front Row Seats Prices= Small Suitcase Nuclear Bomb

Regular Seating Prices= Man-Portable Surface-To-Air Missile Systems

Balcony Seating Prices= Laser Weapon Systems

Seats Sitting On The Floor= Any of the following Bullets, Machine Guns (Russian or American), Hand Grenades, Firecrackers will not be accepted.

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The European Space Agency's chief scientist has suggested that we build a "Noah's Ark" on the moon, so if the Earth is destroyed by an asteroid or nuclear holocaust, every species of plant and animal will survive.  ***MARLAR: If we’re going to build a Noah’s Ark complex to save every species of plant an animal in case of global emergency, can we at least agree this time around to leave out fleas, mosquitoes, cockroaches and chiggers?  

Barack Obama has won the Nobel Peace Prize for attempting to rid the world of nuclear weapons.  In an extremely close vote, Obama beat out my dog Pogo who was nominated for her numerous unsuccessful attempts to catch a squirrel.   

not building a centrifuge to make a nuclear bomb.

The bad news: They are building a Starbucks.

...Moammar Khadafi, showing once again what a stable guy he is,  is calling on central african nations to develop better weapons in order to defend the continent from possible attack. Khadafi has contributed more than $10 million to a fund in hopes of building an arsenal of nuclear spears.   

After Iran secretly built another nuclear plant, President Obama was roundly criticized for being too soft on Iran. Obama refuted those claims citinng an upcoming beer summit with Iraian leaders featuring a rendition of Kumbaya. 

On Tuesday, God lost his battle to keep Ted Kennedy away from him. Mary Jo Kopechne has been waiting a long time for this reunion with her killer.

While God is deciding what to do with this latest drop-off — recycle it or throw it in the landfill — Ted will be going through purgatory at the bottom of Poucha Pond. Which, apparently, was only seven feet deep. And yet he couldn’t “risk” his Kennedy-minted life to get the girl out.

Most news reports mention the incident and then quickly move on to all the good that he did: “[H]e worked to protect civil rights, give federal help to the poor, contain the spread of nuclear weapons, raise the minimum wage, expand health coverage and improve America's schools.”

That’s exactly what I would do if I killed someone.

The United States State Dept. secretly worked out the ransom demands of  Kim Jong-IL for the release of Laura Ling and Euna Lee . The next 8 episodes of  " The Simple Life " will be filmed in North Korea . Highlights of some shows include, - Paris and Nicole help Reprocess nuclear fuel rods into enriched uranium ,  Assemble Taeodong-2 long range missles , Round-up many starving refugees fleeing into China , Learn how to make counterfeit $50 dollar bills with simple inkjet printers  , Unload unstable ammunition from ancient railway box cars , Patrol the DMZ with unfriendly boarder guards , Direct traffic in that nations capital's busiest streets  , Make a feeble attempt to sneak bombs aboard a South Korean airliner . The show's finale ends with the girls discovering Kim's gigantic porno stash and sex toy collection .  Nicole hands a very familiar looking dvd over to Hilton and shouts , " You're in this one too Paris ! "   Our Dear Leader's been a very naughty boy too, as Paris gets her last licks in,  "THAT'S HOT !