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SCAB LATE NIGHT JOKES PITCHED BY MY UNCLE NICKY
by Chris Galletta
"I'm still not used to the chilly November air. Today, I was shaking like Dog the Bounty Hunter at the Apollo Theater. How's that? Would Dave do that?"
"Dog the Bounty Hunter used the n-word on a voice message. If this behavior keeps up, people will think he's isn't classy. What about that? I think that's a very 'Dave' joke."
"A state of emergency has been declared in Pakistan. For police assistance, just push the red button on their foreheads. Bing! Too harsh?"
"The FBI knew three weeks in advance that OJ Simpson was planning a sting, but did nothing about it. They were too busy ignoring Osama bin Laden. You like it? That one depends on the delivery, more than anything."
"Carlos Santana and his wife are divorcing after 34 years. Poor Carlos will be lonely -- maybe he should take up guitar or something. What's that look mean -- too dry?"
"Using high tech mechanical arms and lasers, astronauts were able to repair the face of the International Space Station. It worked so well, they're going to use the same technique to repair the face of Joan Rivers. Pow! Make the check out to Nicholas Albano, Jr."
"The Crocodile Hunter's widow wrote a tell-all memoir about their life together. She said she always suspected he'd die on the job. That makes 3 billion of us. Are you blushing? Good. It's not comedy unless somebody's feelings gets hurt."
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 Via AP news
Underneath this photo I read the following caption:
"Former President Bill Clinton, right, answers a reporter's question during a meeting with Colombian President Alvaro Uribe, left, at the Clinton Global Initiative Annual Meeting Wednesday, Sept. 26, 2007 in New York. (AP Photo/Nicholas Roberts, Pool)"
I find it entertaining that they feel they need to be clear on which one is Bill Clinton. I guess they want to play it safe for the Americans who cant identify the United States on a map. And I say why not? Who is printing these maps with unlabeled countries anyway?
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New French President Nicholas Sarkozy's maternal grandfather was Jewish. That means a quarter-Jew is running the Muslim country of France. Which is appropriate, since that's how many Jews will be left there soon: about a quarter of a Jew.
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 The nominees are (clockwise):
Jim Carrey in "The Number 23"
Anastasia Hille in "The Abandoned."
Nicholas Cage in "Ghost Rider"
Gaspard Ulliel in "Hannibal Rising."
With four movies playing this weekend, next year's most hotly contested category is expected to be Best Horror/Thriller With An Actor Whose Head is Tilted to the Side.
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Copyright 2006-2008 © International Mining and Steel, Inc.
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