McDonald's stock is at an all-time high. Just like our population's weight.

California has voted not to ban plastic bags. Both kinds are still welcome in California:

1.  Joan Rivers and, 2.   Heidi Montag's bolt-ons!

The name of Conan's new show on TBS has leaked:  "The Keep Andy Richter Employed Project"

I love posting my jokes from www.DailyComedy.com to Facebook -  I've been averaging 3.7 Facebook friends per joke!  I'll get'm back somehow...

Australia claims that Crocodile Dundee owes $38 million in back taxes. Or, in his case, Outback taxes.

(thanks to Leighann Lord!)

The CEOs of Dell and Hewlett Packard are fighting like mad over a company called 3Par. Although recently cash-strapped, analysts report that a third party will soon enter the contest; a ruthless competitor in desperate need of a 3 par...Tiger Woods!

Beck:  We've been wandering in darkness too long!

Palin:  Heck, no wonder I wound up in that library!

Beck:  No, sweetie, I said we've been wandering in darkness too long!

Palin:  Oh yeah, sorry.  How long has he been president, again?



  

After Paris Hilton was caught with coke and weed, her liar [EDIT TYPO] lawyer said not to 'rush to judgment".  Hey, whatta ya think gave her the rush and poor judgment in the first place?

Co-written with Jerry Perisho

They're reporting that Paris Hilton was found in a car in Vegas that had marijuana and cocaine in it.  Yeah, right, next they'll try to tell us that Susan Boyle is ugly, too.

I just read an article that New York City is #1!  Suck on it, yet again, you other cities!  Oh wait, it says here "in bedbugs".