Humane officers say a Pennsylvania women marketed “gothic kittens” with ear, neck and tail piercing over the Internet. Officers with the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals removed three kittens and a cat Wednesday from a home outside Wilkes-Barre, about 20 miles southwest of Scranton. In a related story, Laura Koenig of Altoona is marketing her line of “biker bitches”. The female cats and kittens will arrive at your doorstep ready to crap on your floor, drink large amounts of beer and spread goodwill to any and all male animals.

you know what doesnt go down well

a prostitute with a neck injury

Yes, there is actually a town in West Virginia called "Big Ugly".  ***MARLAR: No one has any idea why it was named that, but you know, it's probably a redneck thing. There was a woman from Big Ugly who entered a beauty pageant, and won. The headline in the local paper read, "Big Ugly Woman Wins Beauty Pageant".

Want to know what it's like to have a vampire wedding. Well 61-year-old Jack Holsinger and his 44-year-old bride Connie Spitznagel made it happen in Columbia Station, Ohio. They both donned full vampire regalia for their "scare-emoney" on Saturday night at a haunted house near Cleveland. The couple chose the location because it's operated by the same people who own a campground where they met. The groom arrived in a coffin inside a hearse, and the coffin was carried to the altar by six pallbearers. Minister Greg Kopp was dressed as Jason from the "Friday the 13th" movies. After the vows were exchanged, he ordered Holsinger not to kiss his new bride but instead to bite her on the neck. Despite their claims of being vampires, both did vow to stay together "until death do us part." ***MARLAR: And by seeing his bride with pale skin and messed hair, the groom was better able to prepare for what he’d see the first morning or marriage.

 A turf war in the lobster-rich waters off Maine escalated into a dispute that left a lobsterman with a gunshot wound to the neck and another in jail.... When local law-enforcement official Alice T. Hale was asked to comment she said "we are grilling a suspect in custody right now and it looks like he's in alot of hot water" When asked how she cracked the case she said she will soon be releasing more information including other suspects, in fact everything... but her source.

Police wonder who left a piano in the middle of the woods – and why. The Baldwin piano found in the Bells Neck woods in Harwich appears to be in perfect working condition and had a matching bench. Another question police would like to answer is how the piano got to such a remote location. Investigators found the letters EJ, engraved on the piano as well as the bench. A spokesperson for Elton John said “It’s no secret that Sir Elton has had little success maintaining relationships with men or women, this was Elton’s attempt to connect with the animal kingdom.”

"That Joe Wilson's calling me a liar is more than I can take. Worse than Michelle's complaining about how long I last. Of course, under my new plan, I get Viagra for life. See, I told you there's a bone in my Health Care thing in there for every American! And, from now on, the chef keeps away from those redneck ribs!"

A few years ago former Vice President Dick Cheney shot his good friend Harry Whittington in the face, neck, shoulder, and heart with a shotgun . A few days later the 78 year old Whittington apologized to Cheney for the accidental shooting .   Clumsy football player Plaxico Burress, dropped his own gun and shot himself in the leg last Nov 29 .  He pleaded  guilty to a lesser charge and will be serving about 2 years in jail .  Asked why he took the plea deal with so much prison time , Plaxico replied , " Man, i was really worried that old New York D.A. was out to get me . He was gonna come down hard on me with assault and Hate Crimes charges . Cause after my gun went off i was bangin my head into the wall and yellin , Look what you done now you dumb N word . "

Guitar pioneer Les Paul has died at the age of 94.No fretting will be allowed at his funeral and his neck will be donated to the Smithsonian.

The other day I scanned an article about the benefits of rough sex. When I got home I just had to try it. We'll I have to warn you, "be careful". I fell out of the bed and almost broke my neck.

What ever you do, don't try this alone. Do it with a partner.