Did you know? We now allow guest commenting and rating on all our jokes and comedy videos! No need to register, just comment and rate. Go ahead... knock yourself out! Underneath each joke and video you can click on comments to read and post, and click on a star () to rate.
Featured Mysterious Video
Joke Search Results: Most Recent (From All Time)

Show Me: Most Recent | Highest Rated | Most Views | Most Shared | Most Comments

From Each: Day | Week | 2 Weeks | Month | 3 Months | 6 Months | Year | All Time
Search "Mysterious" returned 39 Jokes
  1 2 3 4  Next Page

Kevin Jones
Visit My Profile
Migraine mystery solved?

By: Kevin Jones (C)
Submitted: Oct 30, 2009
Category: Sports  
From Hot Topic

Minnesota Vikings

78 Jokes

Minnesota Vikings wide receiver Percy Harvin has repeatedly missed practice time with mysterious migraine headache's. 

 

On an unrelated note, Coach Brad Childress has seen King of the Hill's John Redcorn crawling out of Harvin's bedroom window on multiple occasions.


Share this joke on Facebook!Facebook  Share this joke on MySpace!MySpace  Share this joke on Twitter!Twitter  Share this joke via Email!Email  Stumble It!  del.icio.us  Digg This!  Embed code!  |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:

Albert Hayden
Visit My Profile
The peach farmer’s mistress

By: Albert Hayden (C)
Submitted: Oct 27, 2009
Category: Blogs  
From Hot Topic

Hooker

193 Jokes  5 Videos

My wife Jenny and I have two conditional rules in our three-year-old marriage once a month I am allowed to sleep with a hooker and when she is away for extended periods of time, I am allowed to sleep with our neighbours’ 18-year-old daughter Nancy Smith. Now the only conditions about these two rules are that my wife is never allowed to find out about either the hookers or randy Nancy.

Being a writer, I spend most of my day at home while my wife works at some bank (who’s name I am not allowed to mention) as a consultant. I spend at most about five months a year really writing; the other months are spent promoting whatever I have written and mowing the lawn or something. Depending on my mood and emotional health, some months or years I simply just take off. This means that most often I have a lot of time to kill by practising my hobbies such as growing peaches in our backyard or bedding Mr and Ms Smiths’ youngest daughter.

Nancy’s visits used to be a once-a-week thing due to her possessive boyfriend and her busy schedule as a first-year medical student, but the weekly visits were fine with me since I was only fucking her for the experience of her tight vagina and her fetish to be tied up. Months later when my wife caught us in bed together for the first time, Nancy was getting fucked like a dog with her head forced into the pillow and her hands tied behind her back ― a scene my wife labeled as “barbaric” and “distastefully brutal”.

After about a month of screwing around, Nancy dumped her possessive boyfriend which meant that we were able to play on a daily basis. Each morning after my wife left for work, Nancy would attend her first class of the day which usually involved biting and bondage. The sweet “ding dong” sound of the front doorbell ringing while I laid in bed reading the paper went as well with my coffee as blasphemy. My first-touch with sunlight for the day would usually be when I open the door for Nancy. Her routine ― yet irritating and redundant ― question of “Is the lovely wife gone?” would usually be the only words out of her mouth not dictated through screams. I usually respond by saying: “I am going to fuck you so hard you are going to split in half.” Nancy’s daily visits opened up the windows to both experimentation and wariness. When my wife caught us for the second time together I was once again entering Nancy from a rear position. This time the words “In here” were written on Nancy’s lower back with a black marker and an arrow was pointing towards her anus ― unlike the previous time, my wife refrained from making a comment.

My affair with Nancy became the oyster garden for my inspiration as a writer, but not for my life. Even though a lot of work was being done behind the typewriter and behind the 18-year-old sexual prodigy, I kind of became bored with life. Screwing Nancy behind my wife’s back was exciting to a certain extend, but I had a bigger lust for wickedness. At the tender age of 27 I have achieved tremendous success by means of simply minimising my workload and maximising my self-confidence and persistency. But despite all of that, I have simply run out of ways to enjoy the simple things in life. It started to feel that every day I lived and every single thing I did was just another forgettable moment that has passed. The more I searched for excitement the more erratic my behaviour became, especially my new-found habit of touching myself while in conversation.

My sudden change in behaviour and my refusal to go for therapy did raise some questions among my loved ones, especially my beloved wife (who won’t learn about my and Nancy’s affair for another three months). Jenny was starting to feel guilty and she admitted that due to her long hours at the office, she was neglecting me. I wasn’t that bothered by Jenny’s “negligence” because I was too busy fucking Nancy and maintaining my mini orchard to even notice that there was a distance growing between me and my wife. I was however very amused by the irony of the entire situation since I was convinced that my wife was having an affair with a co-worker, Michelle Olwagen. My suspicions of my wife having an extramarital relationship with a female co-worker didn’t bother me even the slightest bit; for starters, I was busy fucking a barely legal teenager on a daily basis and secondly, it’s not like some other guy was putting his fat cock inside my wife.  And even though I have never met or seen Michelle Olwagen before in my life, I knew someone very well who knew her very well.

It was a Thursday evening and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky when I drove through the city on my way back from a meeting with my publisher. I was waiting for the green light at a robot when my eye caught two superfine women standing on the street corner; the one was smoking a cigarette and the other one was exchanging words with a distinctive gentleman who looked like a policeman. Judging by the way the women were dressed and the quality of the area, the thought that they were hookers didn’t even pass through my mind ― I would rather have mistaken them for two power-dressed lawyers than streetlovers. But when they approached my car with a charismatic “Hey there, you” I knew that they are the type of women who only accepts cash.

Now I have never really gone as far as my brother to actually sleep with one of the princesses of twilight, but it has always been somewhat of a hidden desire and definitely in the top spot of my to-do list. If this part of my life had a chapter, I would have called it: “Meeting the other end of the rope”.

Prostitutes have always been similar to a good movie to me. If a lot of different people pay money to go see a movie, it is most certainly a box-office hit. The same goes for a prostitute. If many different guys, who could rather fuck their wife or girlfriend, would go so far as to pay a woman to fuck her, then her box must surely be a hit.

The two prostitutes that approached my car must have been somewhat of an upper class or new to the business, because they were too well groomed for a hooker ― especially the way the one’s pubic hair was trimmed into the shape of a half-moon. The same night I saw the one prostitute’s moon-shaped pubes, I learned that she does prostitution as a part-time job and to “watch people act frail”. I found this absolutely intriguing.

That first night I met my two new friends ― Moonflower and Gothgirl69 ― I bought them both. They were so cheap, it was literally a buy one get one free special. I took them to a Holiday Inn near my house because it would raise the minimum amount of suspicion and most importantly, it was convenient for me. Since I am the type of guy who has enough confidence in his sexual performance, I don’t do threesomes or orgies. So when we approached the elevator, I told Moonflower to kindly wait in the bar area while I take her friend, Gothgirl69 (which turned out to be a competitor), to the hotel room so we could get things up to business. After I did both of them and paid for their drinks while they waited their turn, I gave them their money and assured them that we would hook up again ― I did, however, only continue seeing Moonflower.

From there on it became a regular thing. The sex I had with the prostitute, Moonflower, was passionate and gentle and the sex I had with Nancy was violent. My wife, who still haven’t found out about my affairs, kept on working long hours and I was still convinced that she was sleeping with that Michelle girl. Now and then my wife would query on the bite marks and bruises on my body. Once when I contracted a mysterious rash on my dick (most likely from Nancy, but it turned out to be Moonflower), I narrowly escaped being caught out before telling my wife that I got the rash from her and that she might be suffering from some fungus on her virginal area (luckily for me, Jenny just happened to have a fungus on her left lip which she contracted from Michelle).

It was close encounters like these that made me master the art of lying to Jenny, usually about the origin of my injuries.  Sometimes I even confused Jenny into believing that she gave them to me during some sexual brawl.

“Those are your handy work my love,” I would often say to her before accepting her apology which was usually followed by a missionary-style fuck. It is when the sex life you share with your wife is degraded to plain old missionary style that you know that the spark is gone. But in the rare times that I did however made passionate love to my wife, it was usually with anger ― not the angry sex that I had with Nancy, but the type of angry sex that says, “What the fuck have we done to each other?” Sometimes Jenny wanted our lovemaking to be soft and gentle; I preferred thrusting her like I was paying to do so.

The morning my wife caught me with Nancy for the second time, I thought that it was over for sure. It was only after an embarrassed Nancy left and my wife and I sat down at the kitchen table that she confessed to having an affair.  My wife told me that she was suffering from depression and that the affair was with a female colleague; she further told me that her lover had decided to end their eight-month affair after meeting a man. As I held my wife I felt her tears running down my chest which still carried the aroma of Nancy’s pussy― and at that moment I told her that I only slept with Nancy three times and that she caught us two out of the three times. But whether my wife believed me or not about the “three times” I had been with Nancy, it was the truth when I told her that I would never see Nancy again. After four months with Nancy, we have literally exhausted our imaginations and our sexual abilities ― there was simply nothing more humanly possible that we could do in the bedroom.

After my wife confessed to her affair with Michelle Olwagen, we didn’t separate. It had absolutely no affect on our relationship as most people would imagine. We did however start to have somewhat of a steamier sex life ― Jenny even allowed me to butt-fuck her ― and she also started seeing a therapist to help her deal with her depression. Jenny and I agreed to work harder at our marriage, but I wasn’t able to let Moonflower go. With Nancy out of my life and my wife under the impression that the holes in our marriage were all patched up, I was able to continue my affair with the prostitute.  One evening when my wife was out with friends, I invited moonflower over to our house for the first time.  She told me that due to the feelings she started to have for me after months of sleeping together, it was no longer necessary for me to pay her. She sex that followed was the worst sex I ever had with Moonflower; I guess since money was no longer involved it just wasn’t the same. That night was the final straw in my marriage. When my wife caught me for the third time with another woman, she did have a comment.

“So this is the jerk you have left me for, Michelle?”


Share this joke on Facebook!Facebook  Share this joke on MySpace!MySpace  Share this joke on Twitter!Twitter  Share this joke via Email!Email  Stumble It!  del.icio.us  Digg This!  Embed code!  |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:

Gary B.
Visit My Profile
Man takes steamroller on a late-night joyride

By: Gary B. (C)
Submitted: Jun 24, 2009
Category: Weird  
From Hot Topic

Mark Sanford

38 Jokes

Now we know what South Carolina Governor  Mark Sanford was really doing during his mysterious disappearance. 


Share this joke on Facebook!Facebook  Share this joke on MySpace!MySpace  Share this joke on Twitter!Twitter  Share this joke via Email!Email  Stumble It!  del.icio.us  Digg This!  Embed code!  |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:

Dan Berry
Visit My Profile
Violent Crime Mysteriously Declining

By: Dan Berry (C)
Submitted: Jun 2, 2009
Category: News  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

FBI

64 Jokes  1 Videos

Violent Crime Mysteriously Declining

According to the first available FBI figures covering the entire year, violent crime in the United States declined in 2008, due in part to “a significant drop in the number of murders.”

And in other blatantly obvious news…

The economy in the United States declined in 2008, due in part to “a significant drop in the number of jobs.”

 


Share this joke on Facebook!Facebook  Share this joke on MySpace!MySpace  Share this joke on Twitter!Twitter  Share this joke via Email!Email  Stumble It!  del.icio.us  Digg This!  Embed code!  |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:

April Brucker
Visit My Profile
Dumb Friend of the Week

By: April Brucker (C)
Submitted: May 21, 2009
Category: Blogs  
From Hot Topic

Bailout

317 Jokes  4 Videos

I have some dumb friends and some are dumber than others. The one is this would be actress and singer who lives in LA. I like her and she is my friend but man does she need to see the error of her ways. For starters she always falls for these stupid guys. She was hung up on his guy who was supposed to be a “millionaire” and had this apartment he threw sex parties in. This dude was married to his money but she was determined to change him. So this guy takes her out and tells her about all the great sex he had with other women. But she keeps talking about all the “spiritual gifts” he gave her. What? Like the slap in the face after you drank the wine spirit spritzer. But nothing beats her latest conquest. He is a “famous composer” in France and “promised to pay her phone bill” but didn’t after they talked for hours. For one, that is the worst pick up line I have ever heard and secondly, how do you say greencard.

 

But then the other goodie is that she is always getting herself into these situations because she has her head up her ass. The other day she got a check from this girls school for ten thousand dollars and cashed it. Surprisingly it was fraudulent. Of course she got into a bunch of trouble with her bank because years ago an ex of hers drained her credit cards and bank accounts so she had to declare bankruptcy. So she may not be able to have a bank account for the next few years. The only time a mysteriously large amount of money sent to you is real is in a Disney movie.

 

The dumb assery gets richer believe it or not. We were talking about a kid I was mentoring. I told her flat out the kid gets the message of the twelve steps and gets his act together or he’s going to die. Then she tells me I have to leave him messages encouraging him. Meanwhile I rescued this kid from what seemed to be Jeffrey Dahmer’s brother and to top it all off his phone was off. I told her this kid is nineteen, he has been to rehab more times than Robert Downey Jr. and Artie Lange combined, is works as a streetwalker, he is HIV positive, and he has expressed the desire to keep using drugs. So in her head up her assiness she says to me, “Well April, that says a lot about the God of your understanding.” Yeah the God of my understanding smites the stupid.

 

Of course she says she has sixteen years sobriety in her alcohol program, go girl. But then she also reveals she has only been drunk twice in her life but followed an old boyfriend who actually had a problem into the program. Wow, sixteen years sober. That’s not hard to achieve when YOU NEVER ACTUALLY HAD A PROBLEM DRINKING!

 

Then she claims people can be healed through meditation. She has a friend who was infected with HIV through a wild night with some chick in Puerto Rico. But after weeks of meditation he is cured. No, its just undetectable. But he can still infect. She insists upon this and says she has no idea how he could get infected because you can only get HIV through anal sex. No you can get HIV through unprotected sex of any kind. And because you are so dumb odds are that you are positive too. If not HIV positivly stoopid. I will take this time to tell you this dumb friend is Ivy League educated and a member of Mensa. She must have bribed her way in. Its the only way I can explain it.

 

But then tip of it all is she wants to be a big star in Bollywood. Meanwhile she is forty, living on welfare, and sleeping in the back of a van. She plans to then reveal herself to her first love in all of her glory. But the kicker is she tells me I need to meditate because I live in a fantasy world, and that way I can separate fantasy from reality. Well schizo calling the bi-polar a nutcase. Love April

 


Share this joke on Facebook!Facebook  Share this joke on MySpace!MySpace  Share this joke on Twitter!Twitter  Share this joke via Email!Email  Stumble It!  del.icio.us  Digg This!  Embed code!  |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:

bix brillo
Visit My Profile
from hair to there

By: bix brillo (C)
Submitted: Jan 15, 2009
Category: Weird  
From Hot Topic

Doctor

295 Jokes  2 Videos

...a 15 year old ohio boy has come down with a mysterious ailment which has caused him to become completely bald, with no other symptoms....doctors are calling the disease Premature Kojakulation. 


Share this joke on Facebook!Facebook  Share this joke on MySpace!MySpace  Share this joke on Twitter!Twitter  Share this joke via Email!Email  Stumble It!  del.icio.us  Digg This!  Embed code!  |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:

Julia Gorin
Visit My Profile
Jimmy Carter's Legacy Falling Apart

By: Julia Gorin (C)
Submitted: Jan 14, 2009
Category: Political  
From Hot Topic

Jimmy Carter

19 Jokes

This  Feb. 1, 2008, file photo shows former President Jimmy ...

Two recent headlines:

Hezbollah Snubs Jimmy Carter -- Former President Jimmy Carter will not meet with Hezbollah during his current visit to Lebanon – not because he changed his mind about sitting down with a terrorist group linked to deadly attacks against Americans, but because Hezbollah refused to meet with him...

Charity Homes Built by Jimmy Carter Start to Crumble...[via] cockroaches, mildew and mysterious skin rashes...[P]art of the estate had been built on a rubbish dump. One man pulled up his floorboards to find rubbish 5ft deep under his kitchen. Other complaints include cracking walls and rotting door frames that let in rats and ants.

So his poor people's houses are falling apart, and his terrorists are dissing him. What has Jimmy Carter lived for, then? To atone, he should build himself a house in Gaza.


Share this joke on Facebook!Facebook  Share this joke on MySpace!MySpace  Share this joke on Twitter!Twitter  Share this joke via Email!Email  Stumble It!  del.icio.us  Digg This!  Embed code!  |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:

Sam Vargo
Visit My Profile
Just another Terrible, Terrible We Hate the Rich Joke -

By: Sam Vargo (C)
Submitted: Dec 23, 2008
Category: Political  
From Hot Topic

Santa Claus

32 Jokes  2 Videos

In this festive holiday season filled with dread, disappointment and despondency, it's nice to know not all rich guys are terrible, terrible tyrants. The big sand sheik - Bill Gates and his lovely Missus Melinda - for example, are two of the world's favorite computer geeks. Yep, this alpha dog couple of ‘computer nerds gone to the bank’ have big wallets, deep pockets and very, very large hearts.

 

Though old bashful and his Missus don't broadcast it much, they own a benevolent, philanthropic foundation that discerns where to send big piles of cold, hard cash to, like their quest to tackle one of the world's most egregious takers of little children. Yep, Bill and Melinda don't mess around with some hoaky-fanokeee-cure for the common cold. Nope, they're tackling the rotavirus, some mysterious, horrid killer that's taking a half a million little lives a year.

 

Bill and Melinda, let's give you a big, fat, NLHN curtsy and say you are really Mr. and Mrs. Santa Claus and let's just let the world know right now that all rich white guys who wear geeky looking glasses read Machiavelli in their spare time!!! So you two cards go and play some bridge with Warren Buffet and the boys and we're happy to know the world's a lot better with you two young'uns around!!!

 

For our information, The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation have poured more billions into the world's charity causes than even the big Automaker Bailout of this week. How many billions? Who knows, get a NASA computer or a NASA telescope to figure it all out!!! God loves you because you love the world so much you two lovebirds!!!

 

- and we wouldn't even have this gizmo called the NLHN to goof around on if it wasn't for you, you gawky looking old four eyes guy!!!

 

 

 


Share this joke on Facebook!Facebook  Share this joke on MySpace!MySpace  Share this joke on Twitter!Twitter  Share this joke via Email!Email  Stumble It!  del.icio.us  Digg This!  Embed code!  |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:

Sam Vargo
Visit My Profile
Sign above a closed Global Bank in Downtown Anytown USA -

By: Sam Vargo (C)
Submitted: Oct 7, 2008
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

Dick Cheney

154 Jokes  1 Videos

We're closed but we plan to open any day now. Keep in mind, we fired the old guard and hired a whole new board of corporate spin doctors who are now spinning a spider's web of economic stimulus packages. These include ciphering off an estimated $780 million originally earmarked for Hurricane Katrina victims in southern Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama that was inadvertently placed in a slush fund for slimy sea snail research in the Aleutian Islands. Other funding will come from a derivative package put together by a legion of compulsive gamblers who all hold MBAs and were recently released from a federal prison for insider trading deals.

Please note above everything, we fired our old CEO, CFO and Chairman of the Board, who, by the way, was the highest paid Corporate welfare cheat in not only North America, but in the entire Milky Way Galaxy. Yep, we fired the old coot (actually, he was only 29) but all he did was play golf, drink $1,000 fifths of overpriced wine by the crateful and try to accost and dismantle each and every female mammal that crossed his path.

Don’t worry, we have it all covered. We’re blaming George W. Bush and the first and only Ed MacMahon of all U.S. VP's, Dick "Chainsaw" Cheney for all of this, friends. It’s all their fault!!! They’re responsible for the recent hurricanes, recent tectonic plate explosions and the mysterious win, place and show tickets that have placed a slew of losing trotters and pacers in the winner’s circle in recent weeks at Yonkers, Northfield Park, Meadowlands and other equine fantasy fields. That pair of Machiavellian Voodoo doctors! Hyaaaa!

We at the Global Goodtimes Bank say "Good Riddance to Bad Garbage!" Come on in & sit (or set) a spell. We've got the coffee on, er- ah- actually we have hot water, bring `yer own java beans. Actually, we’re in need of a little coffee maker, do any of you have an extra one?

- Global Goodtimes Bank Inc., a community-oriented global Savings and Loan Society

 

 


Share this joke on Facebook!Facebook  Share this joke on MySpace!MySpace  Share this joke on Twitter!Twitter  Share this joke via Email!Email  Stumble It!  del.icio.us  Digg This!  Embed code!  |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:

Ian Salmon
Visit My Profile
Drag Queen Takes National Karaoke Title

By: Ian Salmon (C)
Submitted: Oct 7, 2008
Category: Entertainment  Staff Pick!

Drag Queen Takes National Karaoke  Title

Mysterious drag queen wins national karaoke contest. No one knows who he is, he just showed up, rocked the house and left!


Share this joke on Facebook!Facebook  Share this joke on MySpace!MySpace  Share this joke on Twitter!Twitter  Share this joke via Email!Email  Stumble It!  del.icio.us  Digg This!  Embed code!  |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:
  1 2 3 4  Next Page
Sponsored By
Topics
Get Jokes and Videos in Your InBox!

Sign up for ourDaily LOL!


It's always fresh, funny and FREE!

   -or-   
Follow us on
Also check us out on:
   and   
* Your e-mail address will not be sold by us,
and you can easily unsubscribe at any time.
View our Privacy Policy.
Sign In to Your Account

Comedians, & Comedy Fans

Sign In to be funny!

Username:

Remember me
Password:

Keep me logged in


Not registered? No problem. It's FREE!
Joke Cloud (Popular topics)