The orbital Cassini
probe detected what is most likely a large body of water on one of Saturn’s
moon. What surprised scientists most, they said, is that it’s actually right next to a Starbucks.
NASA has launched an investigation after finding a small
amount of cocaine in a restricted area of the processing hangar for the shuttle
Discovery.
Personally, I fail to see the problem. As far as I'm concerned,
there's no difference between snorting cocaine and taking a ride on one of
NASA's space shuttles. Both get you high as hell… and end with you crashing
hard.
Viagra addicted Ralph gives sex-starved Ed some pointers on the Art of Making Love . " Norton, I don't want to boast about my sexual prowess and ability, but ever since I started taking this little blue pill I'm a new man in bed ! "
In tonight's episode Ralph Kramden finds a suitcase full of drug money, a kilo of cocaine, Tiger Woods' cellphone, and a bottle of Viagra on his bus . Wife Alice was heard saying " I really don't give a crap about any of Ralph's transgressions now that I have all that money and Coke . I always dreamed I could live the life of Paris Hilton and now I can . C'mon Trixie , Let's go upstairs and party ! "
The President and First Lady really enjoyed their stay in Hawaii . Michele Obama said to Barack one evening on a moon lit beach, " Oh Barack, I think I can just reach up and touch the stars. " Obama replied " With those long arms honey, I think you can " ...... " Oh Barack, I love this place so much, I wish someday we can retire here ." Obama replied , " Guess what ? in only three years we can ! "
'Twas the night before Senate
Out-bullied the House.
Not a single vote counted
While millions of us groused.
Stock options were hung out to dry in the air
In hopes that health coverage would someday fly there.
The fat cats were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of payoffs and bribes filled their heads.
In uninsured families
All hope ran amok;
They prayed to some Maker,
And damned their hard luck.
When out from a newsflash emerged such a clatter
The government declared that nothing was the matter;
In spite of sound bytes that we dreaded to hear
We realized old promises would never appear.
From the glow of the TV in our borrowed old home
Fell the lustre of something we never could own.
When what to my tired, red eyes did appear
Was another politician, and a speech filled with fear.
With a smile and a twinkle, so righteous and quick
We saw through his lies, for our country was sick.
More rapid than bullets the blather all came
As he turned and cajoled and still pointed the blame:
On profits, incentives, On penalties now!
On bailing bank coffers, to feed that cash cow!
To the right of the Blue States, and the left of the Red.
Now vote away, vote away, vote 'til 'yer dead!
As silence is deadly when our loved one is ill,
When we meet with an obstacle, our choices are nil
So down to the ER the ambulance flew
With a hole in our pockets, five credit cards too.
And after ten papers and waiting for hours
Reminded that uninsured lives are not ours;
When what to my wondering mouth so agape
Was news of a bill that looked just like a rape.
2000 for this, a thousand for that,
500 for IV, three tits for one tat.
Our savings depleted, accounts in the red,
I started to think: Are we better off dead?
The doc was all decked out in white to his toes
He gave us some aspirin, then told us to go;
Assuring us boldly that surely we might
Just try to "take care now," and "have a good night."
So back to the house where we counted licked all our wounds,
We tried to pretend we could move to the moon,
As previous illness prevented us care,
Would flying to Canada be something we'd dare?
I spoke not a word but went straight to my task,
Determined and surly enough not to ask;
I gathered our tickets and passports I'd bought;
There's no point in living where loved ones will rot.
We sprang to our car, to our team gave a yell;
And thus whooped our family from the bowels of hell,
And I heard us exclaim as we drove out of sight,
Happy Healthcare to all, and to all Gesunk Heit!
LINER NOTES:
In keeping with more recent re-interest in the blues, the series of films once
airing on public television in the United States as “The Year of the Blues”,
and, of course, in discovering more about the backgrounds and identities of the
performers who sang them, a great deal of attention is being paid to the very
many singers and musicians lacking more widespread notice and recognition. They
represent in a way an undiscovered treasury of the past and a chronicle of the
lives of people from and cultures of that time. Such a musician was T - “Big Cat Daddy” – JonesMr. T, Daddy (born circa 1933-1947…..d…?) played regionally throughout the South, appearing
most often on what has been called the “chitlin and hog maw circuit”….smaller
spaces and venues frequented nearly exclusively by those of African American
descent.
Not much of T - “Big Cat Daddy” seems to have survived
however…mostly a few songs and what can only be called blues fragments…scraps
of paper containing a variety of half-finished lyrics. There is only one known surviving
recording to date: “Lonesome in the Dawn” for the now defunct MoonShine Record
Label (MSR 001), uncovered by noted blues documentarian, Randolph (Who My
Daddy?) Lomax…..the often rumored offspring of Allen (“No Child O’Mine”)
Lomax…and a short-order cook by the name of Sadie (You Eat Grits… White Boy?)
Stephenson. Repeated attempts to trace the heritage and paternity of the
younger Mr. Lomax, through DNA sampling, have been repeatedly denied by the
Lomax estate, who nevertheless have generously agreed to secure a “Hardee’s Big
Boy” franchise in Texiola for the two eldest daughters of Ms. Stephenson….Corinthiaand Penelope….This aside, Mr. Jones followed in the footsteps of Robert
Johnson, Robert Lockwood and Honeyboy Edwards, with a feeling and spirit much
in keeping with that tradition.
As to the sole surviving 78 rpm vinyl disc for MoonShine
Records, it was backed with Theodophilus “Small Mouth” Bass’ cover of.. “Gimme Some Fat Head Possum”.
On the strength of that recording, Mr. Bass quickly and
deservedly faded back into obscurity. As for Mr. Jones, there have been
persistent rumors that his blues career came to an abrupt end, owing to the
reputed loss of two fingers in a bar fight…leaving him obviously unable to play
guitar anymore. While impossible to trace and to satisfactorily verify, there
is speculation that Mr. Jones went back to complete his interrupted schooling
and ultimately became a man of the cloth, and perhaps, later… entered politics
as well.
What follows is a printed version of the sole song that we
know… written and recorded by T - “Big Cat Daddy” Jones.
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