"How is the semi-professional comic?" my mother-in-law likes to ask.  "What do they pay you at these open-mike nights?"

"Um, nothing..." I answer.

"I didn't raise my daughter to be Bride of Bozo, you know." 

The Los Angeles Clippers announced that Mike Dunleavy has been relieved of his duties as head coach of the Clippers. In even bigger news, the Clippers have announced that they found someone who has agreed to replace Dunleavy as the new head coach of the Clippers.

I'm making my swimsuit from a Shamwow so next time I go swimming I can smuggle pool water from the public swimming pool to fill up my own pool.

Mike D'Antoni says he's "really encouraged" by the Knicks' progress. It's sad when progress is a three game losing streak.

Let's just cut to the punchline here.  I need to focus on a stupendous display of idiocy; The WBC.  No, this is not a media outlet, it is not a new political faction, it is not a new Pro Wrestling nor MMA Production.  This is Westboro Baptist Church.  These are the "God Hates Fags" morons that go around protesting Funeral Services of military service men and women because they believe that God hates homosexuals sooooo much that he is killing our soldiers to punish us for being a country full of people who accept/tolerate (whatever, you get the picture) homosexuals.  He is punishing us for our complacency...one IED at a time.  Gotcha. 

Okay, first, do these people even read The Holy F--king Bible?  Don't these assholes realize that the last time God was pissed off with flamers he turned Sodom & Gomorrah into dust? Do you think that God did that one soldier at a time?  I' not thinking so.  I'm thinking it was probably something grossly more catastrophic than that.  Further, if he could pick off one soldier at a time, could he not also pick off one homosexual at a time?  So, if he's so mad with homosexuals, then why not pick them off?  Makes a little more sense to go direct to the source.  I'm not suggesting that's a good idea, just trying to make a point.  I have nothing against anyone for their sexuality.  I simply don't care that much about a person's sexuality with the exception of the fact that I LOVE LOVE LOVE (written with a lisp) to make fun of flamboyant men.  Sorry, it's just the way it is.  Chinese people are bad drivers, too. Those fawkers are hilarious.  I almost spit up my tuna salad sandwich at Jersey Mike's subs while watching a very flamboyant man order his sandwhich.  He was a black man with an accent.  Perhaps Nigerian.  I know, it's already hilarious.  He was dressed in khaki pants and a loud button-up shirt with Aussie-style cowboy boots.  He also had those crazy contacts that make your pupils look like star-bursts.  He was on the phone the entire time that he ordered his sandwich, paid for it and exited--never put the phone down.  What an ass, right?  Anyway, this guy starts dancing, like two-stepping and shimming his hips and wriggling his butt to the music that was playing the sub shop, seemingly oblivious to the fact that he's doing it, all the while talking on the phone and ordering a sandwich. Freakin' hilarious!  But I digress....

Back to the WBC. These people showed up outside the Twitter office in San Fransisco (they must have thought they made it to the belly of the beast of the 8th Boglia of Hell!).Why are they protesting Twitter?   Here's the quote from one protester, "Twitter should be used to tell the punks of doomed America that God hates you!"  What?  I'm speechless.  That is so far beyond retarded that I don't know how to respond.  Seriously.

So, here's the really good part.  Apparently, the 9 intelligent people of San Francisco who had nothing to do that day decided to gather to PROTEST the protesters, making a mockery oft he WBC.  These folks were holding signs that said, "God Hates Ponies" and "Sodomy is So Much Fun," just to name a couple.  Love it!  Frickin awesome.

It took less than 30 minutes for the WBC to abandon their Twitter Protest. LMAO!

 Anywho, I don't pretend to know God's intentions nor his preference about people's sexuality, but I can tell you I'm pretty sure that I know what he thinks about assholes.  

My wife has a facepack on... usually I just have Facebook on... each to their own I guess

A friend  and I were driving across the Nevada desert when we saw a large Cathouse with a flashing neon sign,we turned into the driveway and came upon another sign that read,''Warning:No Tresspassing-Violators Will Be Prostituted'' 

I love Facebook. it's the only place where I can talk to a wall and not look like an idiot

The commissioner, or Grand Dragon, of the new All-White Basketball League wants to set up a game between his pasty pigment challenged players and the slightly more diverse NBA. He wants to call it Sno-ball vs Bro-ball. He believes his fundamentals will beat the flashy, crotch grabbing, slam dunks. In other news, the Washington Generals still think they can beat the Harlem Globetrotters.

My wife just told me that for dinner she's putting on a chicken. I hope it fits