In an related story, American superstar Willie Ames was mauled to death doing his stand-up routine for a pack of wolverines. When Ames agent was asked why Ames was doing a show for the group of carnivorous mammals he responded with, "I give a f@#k? At least his career is going better than Kramer's. Did you hear what Kramer said?". Lembeck will be missed.

Rush Limbaugh accused actor Micheal J. Fox

of faking all that shaking. He was also overheard

saying that Stevie Wonder can see, Chris(Superman)Reeves

is still alive can walk and fly if he weren't faking it, you know how

those Hollywood folks are.

The federal government has decided to cut New York City's homeland security budget by 40% and raise the budget in places like Kentucky and Omaha where the real terrorist threat lies. Homeland Security secretary Micheal Chertoff is quoted as saying: "We have reason to believe that Al Qaeda is planning a massive attack on white trash, so if your name is Cody, your house has wheels, and last Christmas you got a gift pack of buck lure deer urine from The Bass Pro Shop ... keep an eye out when the town Muslim decides to take his cropduster for a spin."