Andy Rooney's latest installment on 60 Minutes went something like this :  " Susie's mother sent me a box of Honey-Bell Oranges the other day . I bit into one only to find that little bastard Susie switched them with a box of orange-colored lemons . I really hate kids even more than I hate the holidays  .  Anyway, I was very happy to see sub-freezing temperatures in Florida recently . It was heart-warming for me to watch citrus growers scrambling to save their crops while losing millions of dollars in the process .       I enjoy the changing of the seasons here in New York . If I must suffer during these long, cold, winter months, so should the people who live in warm places like Florida and Hawaii . I also enjoy a few big snowstorms every year . I always wonder if somebody in my neighborhood will get a heart attack while shoveling snow ?   I hate to spend money, but at my age I rather pay a few bucks than die . Who wants to do all that back-breaking work when you can hire a couple of Mexicans for practically nothing ?   ........  I also look forward to those dark, cold, rainy days of winter that most normal people hate . I love a heavy soaking down-pour and seeing all those busy streets in Manhattan flooded . I enjoy seeing cold, shivering people all huddled together under one umbrella while waiting for a bus . I just can't resist the urge to hit the gas pedal of my big Lexus and aim for the puddles in the right lane . I wish you could see the terror on their faces when they know the're about to get hit by a wall of ice-cold water !  It really puts a big smile on an old man's face . .................................................................................disclaimer, not an actual quote by Mr Rooney   

Heineken announced plans today to buy the beer operations of Mexico's Fomento Económico Mexicano (Femsa) for about $7.6 billion.

The deal will give Heineken, which brews Amstel and other beers, control of Femsa's key export brands, including Tecate, Sol and Dos Equis.

Looks like The Most Interesting Man In The World will have to learn to speak Dutch… in Russian. 

Turns out they were built by illegal Mexican immigrants.  

 if im having a shitty day mexicans always cheer me up, like in the morning when i was supposed to wake up at 6 and got up at 7 making my dad late for work he yelled at me which made my  day suck already, but as we were driving to his work on the side of the road there was a little construction site around a sewer hole and right when we drove by a fat mexican guy with a mustache popped out of the sewer hole with a huge grin on his face, thats what makes my day, i love mexicans

so i figured out why poor people seem happier than rich people... see the rich people dont have those funny little mexican kids that dont make sense, for instance one day i was at my friend Gil's (Gilo) house and i pour his little brother andrew a cup of lemonade and he says,"he pour a glass and gave it to me huh Gilo?" and he got all exited

My new girlfriend really runs hot and cold.She's a Mexicanadian.

Given most American's attitude about Washington these days and Mexico's increasing personal freedoms like legalization of drugs. I have to wonder if the tunnel that was recently found under the American-Mexican border is to let them in or let us out.

Tiger Woods met with Barack Obama, Jesse Jackson, and Al Sharpton today . They had an informal meeting with Tiger in what appeared to be a trip to the woodshed for the wayward golf star . Sharpton told Woods,  " This don't look good 'cause you is a role model for our young people. "    Jackson added , " Yeah, that be right you, always be messin' with those White Ho's . "   Finally Obama jumped in to say, " Look Tiger, I'm not telling you what to do with your personal life, but can you promise me one thing ? "   " What's that Mr. President ? " said Tiger .  " On Martin Luther King Day I want you to be seen with a wholesome looking Black Lady instead of that White trash you've been running around with, Okay ? "   Woods thought for a moment and then replied,  " Would it be alright if I got me a Mexican girl or a dark skin Filipino lady instead Mr. President ? "   

Two Saudi Al Qaeda Suspects doubling up on costumes were arrested at Tijuana entry to California. Immigration official had a sneaking GUT instinct something was wrong, This stuff they don't teach you in school, it is more of a instinct that we border guards have. .I knew something was wrong when I asked them their names and they answered me in Arabic.

The Mexican player was content to buy one house for his family, relatives, and friends.  

The French player quit when he had to pay half his money in rent to the German contestant.

The Indian player owned all the cheap hotels.