NEW MOON? Vampires? Werewolves? lol! Give me a break! I saw the first Twilight movie and it was one of the gayest, most stupid movies I've ever seen. What ever happened to the old vampires... Big, Mean, Scary? The ones now look like anorexic Backstreet Boys! The Count from Sesame Street would have been scarier!..lol "One, one sissy little werewolf...Two, two sissy little werewolves...THREE, THREE SISSY LITTLE WEREWOLVES! AH! AH! AH! AH! AHhhh!"

I went into Mc donalds the other day  and theve got all this mc cafe shit, mc cafe le cafe

im like, really? thats what kids want now?  A fucken fritatta and a latte?

I guess its all just money at the end of the day tho, but i mean couldnt you come up with something better then a fucken cafe? seriously? you are a multi billion dollar company and your idea is to put another food outlet...in your..... food.... outlet? wtf

Personally my idea.....Mcwhore house..im serious,it would work, just dont get confused about where you are,thats all im saying... walk up to the madaam and order a quater pounder with cheese, cause ull end uop with an anorexic chick with thrush sitting on ya face 

Oprah Winfrey will be ending her show in 2011.Which means she's moving into the 10 PM slot. 

There's a new kind of DWI, driving while intoxicated by your cell phone. People talking on their cells are almost completely oblivious to what goes on around them, according to a new study from Western Washington University. Researchers used a clown riding a unicycle past participants to test the awareness of nearly 350 pedestrians. When asked if they saw the clown, 71% of those walking with a friend remembered the clown, as did 61% of those listening to music. But shockingly, only 25% of the cell phone users remembered seeing a clown on a unicycle. "If people experience so much difficulty performing the task of walking when on a cell phone, just think of what this means when put into the context of driving safety," says psychology professor Ira Hyman.  ***MARLAR: I’m not sure this is a fair analysis.  Couldn’t it be that we just see clowns on the road so often that we’re just desensitized to them?

A news article reported that Led Zeppelin's Stairway To Heaven became a radio staple due to allowing DJs cigarette breaks. I guess that means Led Zeppelin causes cancer. 

Sarah Palin’s book “Going Rogue” is set to hit the bookstores next Tuesday which means by next Wednesday I will be able to see it filling the dumpsters from my house.

It is believed that people have been wearing shoes for more than 10,000 years.  ***MARLAR: Which means most likely the first thing Eve said to Adam was, “let’s go shopping.”

San Francisco Giants pitcher Tim Lincecum is facing misdemeanor charges after a state trooper approached his Mercedes and smelled marijuana. Lincecum was inside and high.

   My wife, Margaret, was 8 1/2 months pregnant when our teenage son, Frankie, asked her a difficult moral question.

   Struggling to find the right words, Marge stammered, "You can't...you shouldn't.  I mean, it would be best if you didn't..."

   "Dad!" interrupted Frankie; addressing me, in the next room.  "Mom's having contractions!"  

10. You are sitting around when a girl you know is a real bitch comes up to you and says, “You look really put together. Like you aren’t on drugs today.” Your response, “Well, that’s normally the way I tolerate you. Too bad I don’t have that buffer today. Damn those twelve steps.”

9. You have been ranting and raving on the phone about a sucky day you are having when this woman, who is publically breast feeding and has her tits hanging out for all to see, tells you to be quiet because this language will corrupt her child. That’s when you hand the homeless crackhead ten bucks and tell him to grab her tits. That will put her in her place.

8. A rich snob that lives in your neighborhood is putting you and your buddies down again for hanging out on the stoop and laughing loudly. Tell the junkie ex-con who you know has committed a string of robberies in the neighborhood she has twenty bucks on her…..

7. Your roommate has a lady friend you can’t stand that is always making backhanded comments about how you dress when she is a bleach blonde with a bad die job. Casually mention your cousin is getting out of prison after twenty years because he strangled his girlfriend with her bra, stuffed her panties in her mouth, and dumped her body by the train tracks. Then tell he wants to come visit next week to see how much you have grown, and likes platinum blondes.

6. You know this girl who is always doing things for attention. Lately she is claiming a Jamaican guy sexually assaulted her just to see a guy infatuated with her beat someone up. Look at her pretending to be concerned and mention, “I know plenty of Jamaicans. And they never assault anyone with a flat chest. At least not as far as I know.”

5. You are at a gathering when a girl who is dressed like a treasure troll in drag continually makes jokes about you being a slut. Turn to her, smile, and say, “Why? Jealous I get some and you don’t. Im sure if you looked under the draw bridge your Froto would be there for you.”

4. A crazy girl who has been sending you nasty notes on myspace and making your life hell blogs about how she is a responsible mother and how people don’t understand how hard it is. Meanwhile the slut had the four kids to three guys at sixteen. You should comment on the blog, “Wow, must be hard work being a breeding lump. I mean , you lay down on your back a lot but still, gold star for a job shamelessly done.”

3. You recently got a promotion at your job and this girl who is clearly jealous of you is bad mouthing you saying she can’t believe you got it and she didn’t. That’s when you say, “You can’t believe it. Oh ye of little faith.”

2. You see a girl you went to high school with that is a total princess in every respect of the word. When she sees you after years of having not had contact, acts as if she is disgusted by your appearance. That’s when, as you calmly sip your coffee say, “By the way, I contracted Hep C not long ago. Want a sip?”

1. If any of these responses illicit a challenge for a cat fight by any of these party’s tell them you would fight except it is against your policy to assault the mentally handicapped. And then summon the nearest officer of the law when they are yelling and screaming and say you believe they wandered out of a group home and could he help them find their way back. And walk off into the sunset.