A New York City fourth-grader was sent to the principal's office and nearly suspended for bringing a 2-inch toy gun to school.  Nine-year-old Patrick Timoney and a friend were playing with Legos in the cafeteria at Public School 52 in Staten Island on Tuesday when Patrick produced the tiny plastic machine gun and put it in the hands of a plastic police officer.  After Patrick's mother got a call from the school, his parents met with the principal and persuaded her not to discipline him if he agreed to leave the toy gun at home.  The boy's father, also named Patrick Timoney, says principal Evelyn Mastroianni "went overboard."  ***MARLAR: The toy police officer has been suspended for not confiscating the gun from the fourth-grader. 

My wife bought me one of those frightful exercise machines with cables and carbon fiber weight-resistance thingies that look like Japanese swords. I'm afraid of it.

"I'm just trying to help you!" she sulked.

"To what?" I said. "Die?"   

We've all heard of a lot of guys smacking their wives around.  I could never understand that.  In all our married life I never once abused  my wife.

But I do beat her up in the morning.

Apple has already announced the next generation of their new IPad it's "MacsIPad with Wings" that  will help to better manage your information flow.

A local chapter of the National Socialist Movement, a white supremacist group participated in a state Adopt-A-Highway program. The group calls itself America’s Nazi Party and picked up trash along a 1 mile stretch of highway in a suburb north of Denver.

Onlookers complained that the Nazi’s picked up the most of the garbage but left the white trash behind.

Steve Jobs unveiling Mac's I- Pad today.  Would I find that in the feminine hygiene aisle at the Apple Store???

Old Macdonald was in shock

 His hen house had a broken lock

Some juveniles needed a booster

Stole his favorite rooster

Damn it! he screamed. They took away my best cock.

A burglar who broke into a Medford pharmacy had the right letter, but not the right drugs. Police said someone broke out a window Saturday night at the West Main Pharmacy and grabbed the prescriptions in the "O" section. The Mail Tribune in Medford said investigators think the burglar was after the narcotic oxycodone - but the drugs in that section were filed alphabetically by customers' last names. No arrests have been made. ***MARLAR: Police are looking for anyone who might have overdosed on Ora-Gel. 

 Has anyone ever had your kids act so bad when you take them out that you just pretend that youre their nanny.  I know it's not right to avoid claiming your kids, but you can pretend they aren't exactly yours.  Avoid the hot face syndrome you get when they see a candy bar or some gummy worms and yell out, "I'm hungry.  My stomach hurts", or just the randon curse word.  Why can't I play like Bae-Bae's kids aren't really mine?  People role play everyday.  Men play like they're rich or their niece's husbands are balling, until it's time to pay some cab fare or a light bill or something.