CONGRESSIONAL CATFIGHT ERUPTS AS BOXER TAKES ON RICE

WASHINGTON, D.C.  Senator Barbara Boxer's claim that Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice couldn't understand the horror of war because she is a single woman touched off a dramatic and intense exchange between the two at a Congressional hearing last Thursday, with the administration and Democratic Party leaders working furiously to spin the encounter for political advantage over the weekend.

Senator Barbara Boxer

After Boxer (D-Cal.) was given the floor at a hearing of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, she launched into a long-winded question that ended with a reference to the fact that Rice is unmarried.  A transcript of the exchange that was released by the White House reads as follows:

"Senator, your hemline is this far above your knee--you look like a Bratz Doll!"

Boxer:  Now, the issue is who pays the price, who pays the price? I'm not going to pay a personal price. My kids are too old, and my grandchild is too young. You're not going to pay a particular price, because you're single, and believe me, you'd probably be married if you spent a little bit more on your clothes, and your hair.

Rice:  Senator, with all due respect, and believe me when I say that I mean that not much is due . . .

Boxer:  Why you . . .

Rice:  I may not have a husband with a $600 million contract with the Pentagon . . .

Feinstein:  "Six hundred million dollars may seem like a lot of money to you, but the Pentagon keeps that kind of money in the 'Take a Million, Leave a Million' jar by the cash register in the Armed Services Cafeteria."

Boxer:  That's Dianne Feinstein . . .

Rice:  Same difference.  I wouldn't have to worry about how much I spent on clothes.  And by the way, those teensy-tiny glasses you wear make you look like Petunia Pig.

Boxer:  Who the hell's Petunia Pig?

Rice:  That's Porky Pig's girlfriend.

Boxer:  At least she has a boyfriend, Madame Secretary.  Mr. Chairman, I would like unanimous consent for the record to reflect that Porky and Petunia Pig were created by Warner Brothers Studios, which is located in my home state of Califonia.

Petunia Pig

Biden:  Without objection, it will be placed in the record.

Rice:  You know, I've never liked the way all the Warner Brothers characters made fun of Porky because he stuttered.  That was cruel--

Boxer:  For your information, Madame Secretary, I co-sponsored the Cartoon Animals Speech Impediment Relief Act of 2004 to help characters such as Porky Pig and Daffy Duck--

Daffy Duck

Rice:  That's exactly the kind of nonsensical doody that a Democratic Congress will waste time on while critical problems confront our nation.

Boxer:  Like getting you a date on Saturday night?  Maybe if we appoint a House-Senate Committee . . .

Biden:  "I'm not just the Chairman of this committee, I'm also the Secretary-Treasurer of the Hair Club for Men."

Biden:  That would require a joint resolution of both . . .

Boxer:  Would you stop interrupting me?

Biden:  I'm the chairman.

Boxer:  But you have hair plugs.  As I was saying, maybe if we start now and work together in a bipartisan fashion we could find somebody for you to go out with on New Year's Eve, Madame Secretary, the one night of the year when every woman has to have a date, or consider herself a total loser.

Rice:  Senator Boxer, I have agreed to appear here as a gesture of comity towards the legislative branch . . .

Lugar:  "C'mon, guys.  Tell me what everybody's laughing at."

Senator Lugar:  Did she say comedy?