From my brother-in-law.
Ah, only in America. A whole new reason to drink....
Heidi is the proprietor of a bar in Detroit.
In order to increase sales, she decides to allow her loyal customers -
most of whom are unemployed alcoholics - to drink now but pay later.
She keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans).
Word gets around about Heidi's drink now pay
later marketing strategy and as a result, increasing numbers of
customers flood into Heidi's bar and soon she has the largest sale
volume for any bar in Detroit.
By providing her customers' freedom from
immediate payment demands, Heidi gets no resistence when she
substantially increases her prices for wine and beer, the most consumed
beverages.
Her sales volume increases massively.
A young and dynamic vice-president at the local
bank recognizes these customer debts as valuable future assets and
increases Heidi's borrowing limit. He sees no reason for undue concern
since he has the debts of the alcoholics as collateral.
At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert traders transform these customer loans into DRINKBONDS, ALKIBONDS and PUKEBONDS.
These securities are then traded on security markets worldwide.
Naive investors don't really understand the securities being sold to them as AAA secured bonds
are really the debts of unemployed alcoholics. Nevertheless, their
prices continuously climb, and the securities become the top-selling
items for some of the nation's leading brokerage houses who collect
enormous fees on their sales, pay extravagant bonuses to their sales
force, and who in turn purchase exotic sports cars and multimillion
dollar condominiums.
One day, although the bond prices are still climbing, a risk manager
at the bank (subsequently fired due his negativity), decides that the
time has come to demand payment on the debts incurred by the drinkers
at Heidi's bar.
Heidi demands payment from her alcoholic patrons, but being unemployed they cannot pay back their drinking debts.
Therefore, Heidi cannot fulfill her loan obligations and claims bankruptcy.
DRINKBOND and ALKIBOND drop in price by 90 %.
PUKEBOND performs better, stabilizing in price after dropping by 80 %.
The decreased bond asset value destroys the banks liquidity and
prevents it from issuing new loans.
The suppliers of Heidi's bar, having granted
her generous payment extensions and having invested in the securities
are faced with writing off her debt and losing over 80% on her bonds.
Her wine supplier claims bankruptcy, her beer
supplier is taken over by a competitor, who immediately closes the
local plant and lays off 50 workers.
The bank and brokerage houses are saved by the
Government following dramatic round-the-clock negotiations by leaders
from both political parties. The funds required for this bailout are
obtained by a tax levied on employed middle-class non-drinkers.
Perfect.
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