Bobby Knight has declined an invitation to attend his induction into the Indiana University Hall of Fame. He became disinterested when he realized all seats for the event would be bolted down.

The lowly stick could be a magic wand, a knight’s sword or a fishing rod. Now the universal plaything has landed in the National Toy Hall of Fame, along with Baby Doll and the skateboard. The hall praised the stick’s all-purpose, all natural, no cost qualities. The hall also announced the finalist for next year’s induction, dirt, mud, grass, and the paperclip.

Gladys Knight -- a longtime friend to Michael Jackson -- will perform at his burial.  She will not, however,  be accompanied by her famed "Pips"; she had them removed recently by Jackson's dermatologist.

Bob Knight is scheduled to be inducted into Indiana University's Sports Hall of Fame on November 6. The event is expected to be standing room only, so Knight won't be able to throw any chairs.

In related news, yesterday John Daly was knighted by Dick Yuengling.

What would happen if  "Dark Knight" Christian Bale were walking around with a booger up his nose and his publicist told him "You have a bat in the cave"... Would he have any idea of what the hell they were talking about?

Texas Tech basketball defeated East Central by a lopsided score of 167-115. The last time the Red Raiders were involved in a beating that profound it involved Bobby Knight and a belt.

A bunch of kids are out trick-or-treating, wearing very elaborate Halloween costumes.  They come to a door of a modest house and knock.  A woman with kind face opens the door. She sees all the kids and smiles, as the kids yell, “Trick or Treat!!!”  The woman holds a large bowl with candy in front of her, as each of the children takes a few.  So the lady strikes up a conversation.
“And who do we have here?”, she says as she points at a boy in ghost costume.
“I am a Ghost!”, says the boy.
“And what do you do?”
“I scare people! Booooooooooooo!”

Then she points at a boy in knight costume, “And who might you be?”
“I’m am a Knight!”
“And what do you do?”   
“I slay dragons!”

So she turns to a little girl and asks, “And who are you?”
“I’m a beautiful princess.”
“And what do you do?”
“I will find a handsome prince, or a knight, and marry him.”

Then she looks at a boy, wearing Barack Obama mask. “And you?”
“I’m Barack Obama.”
“Hmmm, what do you do?”
“Well, to begin with, I will cut the Knight’s sword in half.  Then I will meet with the dragon and talk him into stopping doing whatever he’s doing.  Then I will reeducate the princess that it’s just as well to marry another princess and that she should keep her options open.  I will convince everybody that there is no Ghost, and all the Booing is George Bush’s failed tactic to scare people.  And lastly, I will take away all the candy from all these kids and give them to the ones that didn’t go trick-or-treating.”

The lady says, “Oh, My…”
“But the candy YOU gave us, sweetie, I will take to the Department of Health lab, and have them tested for any possible ingredient that may prove to be unhealthy for the children.  I will then inform the parents of all these kids about what you are feeding their children, so they can sue you for everything you have, and you lose your house, your cars, and your bank accounts.  And this is all because you had the nerve to ask me this question.”

 A three-foot penguin named Nils Olav was knighted in London on Friday.  Nils Olav is the shortest recipient of this honor in history and will likely hold this record until knighthood is bestowed upon Tom Cruise.