My wife has a grey thumb; she's killed more plants than have locusts.

   The only painless dentist is a dead dentist.  

   Can you believe that Ted Kennedy used to take his lawyer with him into the confessional? 

   A very well known--usually drunk--late-night radio talk show host has been known to leave his chair, on occasion, to piss in the corner of the studio.

   His producer often takes that time to remind listeners the show is "streaming live." 

...the manager of a Jamaican reggae band was arrested at Kennedy airport and charged with smuggling 2 lbs of marijuana into the country.  The man insists he is innocent and was framed, but the authorities claim he was caught dread handed.  

I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

California first lady Maria Shriver says she’s sorry for breaking a state law requiring drivers to use a handsfree device while talking on their cell phone… a law signed by her husband, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Like this is really the first time a wife has ignored her husband… or that a Kennedy has failed to pay attention while behind the wheel. 

A man accused of using weapons hidden in a diaper bag to terrorize airline passengers while hijacking their plane and diverting it to Cuba in 1968 faces a courthouse arraignment this week after being arrested at an airport. Longtime fugitive Luis Armando Pena Soltren was arrested last Sunday after arriving at John F. Kennedy International Airport on a flight from Cuba, federal authorities said. He was wanted for his role in the Nov. 24, 1968, hijacking of a Pan Am flight bound from New York to Puerto Rico.  ***MARLAR: Of course, if you ever changed the diaper of a newborn, you’d swear something exploded in there. 

We've all heard of kids biting in elementary school but this is definitely something new. In Dayton, Ohio, a child at Patterson-Kennedy Elementary School was misbehaving so badly that he finally had to be brought to the assistant principal's office by teacher Stephen Green. While in the office the boy became violent, started throwing things and had to be restrained by Green. That's when the kid bit the teacher on the forearm and would not let go! Assistant Principal Jack Johnson had to pry the boy's mouth open to get him to finally give it up. Green, age 54, went to a hospital to be treated for the bite. The child, whose age and name was not released, was taken to a hospital for a psychological examination.  ***MARLAR: The school immediately was called by Michael Vick asking if the boy was up for adoption.

Robert Kennedy's son Joe says he will not run for uncle Ted's Senate seat because he is not qualified yet to fill his shoes.  Joe says he will only run after attending more town hall meetings, familiarize himself with the issues, and develops a drinking problem. 

Ted Kennedy's role in the President's Health Care Plan has been salvaged, at least, for now. Massachusetts' Governor will appoint The Fitness Guru, 94-year old Jack LaLanne, as Special Interim Senator. Upon hearing the news, Jack did 5,000 push ups!

Ted Kennedy will be laid next to his brothers in Arlington National Cemetery. In Honor of Senator Kennedy, a Bridge will be placed over the reflecting pool.