Two sisters won the Pittsburgh-area boys doubles tennis championship. Karli and Tayla Timko defeated Tin Chu and Drew Gallatin of Thomas Jefferson High 6-2, 6-1 Friday. The sisters from Chartiers-Houston High said “Its not that we don't like to play girls tennis, it’s just that we prefer to play with the boy’s balls.”

In his comments on the current jobless "recovery" yesterday, President Obama said he is looking "at new models for where future growth is going to come from." 

"We'll look at anything, except capitalism of course, that's crazy talk," he said.

According to FaceBook, the happiest day of the year is Thanksgiving! That's according to the new Facebook Gross National Happiness index. To build the new index, Facebook researchers culled the stats from two years of anonymous "status updates" from the site's 100 million users in the United States.  ***MARLAR: That’s just the number of postings on Thanksgiving Day though – what about the content of those posts?  Maybe people were saying, “I’m sick of turkey”... “I’m sick of football”... “I’m sick of Uncle Karl”...

Karl Malden was registered as an organ donor. His eyes will give sight to a blind person.  His heart will be used for research.  And his nose will provide low-income housing to about a hundred senior citizens.

Big socialist rally at a stadium on Berkley Campus.  The crowd is huge. Attendees are hippie throwbacks, Berkley liberals, every pervert imaginable, all of Hollywood, and of course MSNBC.  Two Greek columns on the stage.  The crowd is waiting in anticipation.  Suddenly, the lightning strikes; the entire place fills with smoke; sparks are everywhere.  Out of nowhere, above the crowd, appears a giant, ghostly figure.  Floating above the stadium, the figure begins to talk, in a booming, rolling voice:

"I have bestowed a new doctrine upon thee!"
"Thou shall worship me and no other!"
"Thou shall covet thy neighbor's wealth, and thou shall enforce the mandatory tithing upon thy neighbor to the higher authority. The higher authority shall distribute thy and thy neighbor's wealth with wisdom!"
"Thou shall not succumb to the false temptation of profit!"
"Thou shall only abort thy first-born no later that the twelfth month after conception!"
"Thou shall bow down to my apostles Karl Marx, Fidel Castro, Che Guevara, and Vladimir Lenin!"

One of the throwback hippies, elbow nudges Cris Mathews and asks,
"Is this.....  Is this......"
Chris Mathews replies, "No - that's only God.  Sometimes he thinks he's Barack Obama!"

The year is 2020.  President Obama calls the secretary of education Ayers into the Oval Office.
"Mr. Secretary, we need to soften our image a bit.  The young generation is growing up radicalized to the point where they are no longer productive.  We need to stimulate their productivity in some way, because all they do is spend the entire day bowing down to my monument in front of the steps to the Capitol."

"Mr. President, I never thought I'd hear myself say that, but we need to encourage them to read.  And the best way to achieve, is for you to set the example.  We need to create an image of you with a book.  This image will appear on every postage stamp, on every billboard, in every school.  We will also need to scale back from the works of Karl Marx and Lenin to something literary material."

"What do you have in mind?"

"How about the works of...   Hemingway!  We can have the image of  'Obama is Reading Hemingway!' How does that sound?"

"Hmmmm.... Historically Correct, but Politically Incorrect."

"OK, how about...  We reverse the image... Image of Hemingway  reading out of Audacity of Hope?! - 'Hemingway is Reading Obama!'"

"Hmmmm... Uh.... Ah.... Politically Correct;  Historically Incorrect..."

"I got it, Mr. President!!! You are reading out of Audacity of Hope!  'Obama is Reading Obama!"

"Let's go with this one, Bill.  Historically Correct, as well as Politically!"

Q: What would Barack Obama say, if Karl Marx, Friedrich Engels, and Vladimir Lenin whould show up at his rally?

A: Look! Even the right-wing conservatives came to hear me speak!

Six Denver Nuggets have lost a combined 76 pounds since the beginning of the summer. Coach George Karl appears to have found them.
 

Nuggets coach George Karl wants Carmelo Anthony to pass more. It's going to be a tall order since the only time Anthony passes is when he puffs twice first.