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Search "Journey" returned 16 Jokes
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Frank James
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BAD FOOTWORK

By: Frank James (M)
Submitted: Nov 20, 2009
Category: Weird  

   Several avid fight fans were arguing about who was the dirtiest boxer of all time.

   The winner named a little-known journeyman, Kirk "The Toe" Kowalski, who was involved in twelve stoppages on cuts--to his opponent's shins. 


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bix brillo
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proud Larry

By: bix brillo (C)
Submitted: May 22, 2009
Category: Entertainment  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Larry King

74 Jokes  4 Videos

...talk show host Larry King's new book "My Remarkable Journey" is now available...in it he discusses his greatest triumphs, like overcomming a rough childhood, his first job in broadcasting, and how exciting it was meeting the Virgin Mary. 


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Ray Ellin
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What if the corsage molests somebody?

By: Ray Ellin (C)
Submitted: May 9, 2009
Category: News  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Prom

16 Jokes  1 Videos

What if the corsage molests somebody?

17-year-old Tyler Frost, a senior at a fundamentalist Baptist high school in Ohio that forbids dancing, rock music, hand-holding and kissing, will be suspended if he takes his girlfriend to HER public high school prom, said his principal Tim England.

Apparently England would rather Frost stay at home - where he can smoke weed while listening to Metallica, masturbate to a Kim Kardashian video, or get lucky and sleep with his girlfriend, who won't be attending the dance without him.

Now that I think about it, why did I go to MY prom? 400 bucks for a buffet and Journey. And of course, post-prom masturbation.

 

 



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Steve Hofstetter's National Lampoon Sports Minute
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Cubs Sign Journeyman

By: Steve Hofstetter's National Lampoon Sports Minute (C)
Submitted: Jan 4, 2009
Category: Sports  
From Hot Topic

Chicago Cubs

59 Jokes

The Chicago Cubs have signed Aaron Miles to a two-year contract. Which is perfect, because last year they were miles away from a championship.
 


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Danny Dechi
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Banana Republican

By: Danny Dechi (C)
Submitted: Jul 16, 2008
Category: Political  
From Hot Topic

George Bush

653 Jokes  17 Videos

One of the primary goals of the United States has always been to take the path of progress, and to strive for a better world. So I guess that means George W. Bush has been the banana peel in our nation's journey.

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Jerry Wolski
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A Chorus Unemployment Line

By: Jerry Wolski (C)
Submitted: May 21, 2008
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

Unemployment

118 Jokes  1 Videos

A Broadway musical based on the life of actor and martial arts icon Bruce Lee is in the works. Bruce Lee: Journey to the West, is targeted for the 2010 season. The musical should in no way be confused with the current long running production, Steven Seagal:Journey to the Bottom


see more at :www.jerrywolski.com

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Dan Vollmayer
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dominican swims around manhattan - 2wice

By: Dan Vollmayer (C)
Submitted: Aug 27, 2007
Category: Sports  
From Hot Topic

New York City

332 Jokes  42 Videos

A swimmer from the Dominican Republic has just swum around the island of Manhattan twice.

He swam around the island twice and on his journey he encountered a school of striped bass, a blue fish and an old Donald Trump hairpiece.

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Keith Alberstadt
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Torch to China

By: Keith Alberstadt (C)
Submitted: Jul 5, 2007
Category: Sports  
From Hot Topic

China

308 Jokes  8 Videos

China is planning a road on Mt. Everest to be traveled during the Olympic torch relay. NBC applauds the decision, saying that a journey to the world’s tallest point will help offset a journey to the world’s lowest point, which is Olympic coverage TV ratings.

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Erica Watson
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How LOW is my high self esteem?

By: Erica Watson (C)
Submitted: Jun 6, 2007
Category: Entertainment  
From Hot Topic

Weight Loss

240 Jokes  3 Videos

As long as I can remember, I have always had high self esteem. I do what I want, when I want...and I do not care what people think about it!! Yes, I am that big girl that is guilty of wearing stuff that even though it was made in my size, doens't mean it was made for MY SIZE!!! You feel me? But I don't care..I wear it...fat rolls and all!! But this weight loss journey has me thinking, is my esteem really high, or it is just a LOW form of HIGH SELF ESTEEM?

I mean, yes my high self esteem allows me to get on stage every night and tell jokes. But my low self esteem forces me to get on stage and tell self degredating jokes about my weight. My high self esteem allows me to date and get the attention of alof of guys. But my low self esteem forces me to be "emotionally available" for men who want to hang around me and be my "friend" and enjoy all the benefits of me being a "surrogate girlfriend" while they search for another non-talented skinny chick to date! (Damn, I am B-I-T-T-E-R !!)

This is why I question it. I was all set to go to Lucille Roberts and get weighed and measured, so that I can truly monitor my progress. Then I thought about it: I AIN'T PUTTING MY WEIGHT ON THIS DAMN BLOG...ARE YOU CRAZY? I mean, I know you all can see me...but if I tell you exactly what I weigh then you'll really SEE ME!! I don't know if I want ya'll to see me that well!!!

Sometimes, I think because of the way I carry myself, that many people are fooled into thinking that I am a skinny girl. Actually, I even fool myself sometimes. There have been times when I am walking down the street, minding my business, and a homeless man will get mad because I won't give him my phone number and he'll call me a FAT BITCH!! But, I usually look around confused like "Who is this fool talking too? Not me!".....see I live my life the way a skinny girl does for the most part!!! So, if I don't know my real weight and I don't tell you all my real weight, then I can continue to live in denial. But the numbers speak the truth! The real truth is : My esteem ain't as high as I think it is! Damn, the truth hurts!!

Anyway, on Wednesday of this week, I went to the St. Nick location of Lucille Roberts to work out. I took an "ALL IN ONE" aerobics class taught by a beautiful diva named WENDY!!! She was the bomb!!! For more reasons than one. After class I spoke to her, told her what I was going through, and she gave me her numebr so that I can call her when I am having one of my pretty fat girl meltdowns!!!

WENDY actually lost 105 pounds in 9 months...and her before and after picture, with her before and after WEIGHT is hanging up in the club!!! She told me that if she could do it, I CAN DO IT!!! You know someone is a good person when they can KICK YOUR BUTT in a workout class, but you still want to talk to them afterwards and THANK THEM for the workout!!!

I almost cried talking to her because she could relate to everything that I was saying. She too, was a pretty fat girl and was tired of it!!! During her class I felt empowered because she modified the advanced exercises for me so that I could do them and still feel rewarded!! That meant so much to me!!!

I loved the class, but I also wanted to cry during the workout because I can't believe I have let myself get THIS BIG!!! I have to acknowledge that with every pound I loose, it is going to pull back layer after layer of hurt, pain and anger that lead me up to the point where I eat to self medicate!!!! Sorry to get so serious guys...but being fat ain't no laughing matter when you really think about it!!!

Okay...I plan on going to class to workout again this weekend.....and then next week I am dedicating myself to go to the gym 5 times!!

I want HIGH SELF ESTEEM!!! The real kind!!!!

Love & Laughter,
Erica

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Con Chapman
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Color Blind Triumph

By: Con Chapman (C)
Submitted: Jan 20, 2007
Category: Blogs  
From Hot Topic

Jerry Lewis

13 Jokes

"A PATCH OF PINK--OR GREEN" TELLS SAD TALE OF THE COLOR-BLIND

PARK CITY, Utah.  With the 25th Sundance Film Festival only at its half-way point, audiences and critics are already declaring "A Patch of Pink--or Green" to be the entrant most likely to achieve both artistic and commercial success when it is released later this year.

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Sundance Film Festival

"I was in tears from the opening credits until I got up to get some popcorn," said Jenelle Bridges, a film student at the University of Southern California.  "Then as soon as I got back, I started bawling like a baby all over again."

cryinggirl.jpg

Bridges:  "That was so--freaking--sad!"

"Pink or Green" as festival-goers affectionately refer to it, is the story of Evan Jamison, a color-blind boy who overcomes his handicap to become chief mens' clothes buyer at Filene's, the defunct Boston department store.

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Cahiers du Cinema:  If you can't understand this, take it to someone who can.

"It's got everything going for it," said Antoine Ste. Joan, who is covering the festival for Cahiers du Cinema, the high-brow French film magazine.  "A sad story line, lots of ambiguous sexuality and the demise of an American commercial enterprise."

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Ste. Joan:  "Eet ees not as good as a Jerry Lewis film, but then so few are."

The film describes Jamison's journey from a young boy whose classmates taunt him for the mismatched color schemes he wears to class at a rough-and-tumble public school in Newton, Massachusetts, to necktie counter clerk at a small men's store, and finally to the pinnacle of the retail clothing industry--a position as chief buyer of a major department store chain.

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"I see London, I see France--Why are you wearing hot pink pants?"

Jamison's color-blindness is discovered in a dramatic scene in which his principal competitor, a cold and calculating female buyer, places two tie-shirt combos in front of him in an attempt to embarass him before top executives.  When he incorrectly places a pink tie on a green shirt and vice versa, his disability is exposed, leading to a reassignment to Filene's Basement, the store's cut-rate discount outlet.

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Filene's:  The basement is downstairs.

Jamison fights back, risking everything by purchasing unsold pink oxford-cloth shirts from Brooks Brothers that he believes are green.  When pink shirts become fashionable, he is able to sell the inventory at a significant mark-up, and is promoted over his rival.  The store is ultimately forced to close when Jamison places a substantial order for peach-colored shirts that he believes are blue, but he vows to continue his struggle at a factory outlet store in New Hampshire.

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"Bobby--put down that baseball bat.  You can realize your dream of becoming an interior decorator!"

Color-blindness is primarily a male affliction, striking about 6% of boys but only .5% of girls.  Parents of color-blind boys say the film has given them new hope that their sons can overcome their handicap.  "We always told our son that if he worked hard and played by the rules he could realize his dream of becoming an interior decorator, but we were lying," says Tom Childress of Utica, New York.  "Maybe this movie will prove us wrong."

Copyright 2007, Con Chapman


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