Facebook is an amazing way to pass time when your board.  It's filled with games and quizes you can do while not connecting with your friends.  I recently took the "How Many Sexual Partners You Have in 2009/2010" quiz.

 My results - "None, because your lame ass spends too much time taking douchey ass survey's on Facebook, when you should probably be at the bar looking for women who leave their drinks unattended."

Minnesota Vikings wide receiver Percy Harvin has repeatedly missed practice time with mysterious migraine headache's. 

On an unrelated note, Coach Brad Childress has seen King of the Hill's John Redcorn crawling out of Harvin's bedroom window on multiple occasions.

Everybody has equal rights now a days... Animals,Women, Minorities, everybody but overweight people it seems.  When I do something, it should be referred to the same as it is with people of average weight.

 From now on, when I have sex, it will be referred to as regular old sex... not rape, and not inbreeding... I don't care if it was my unconscious cousin, it still counts!

The recession is affecting American's in every way imaginable.  It's trickled from housing purchases all the way down to who you date.  I've recently considered dating Kate Gosselin; not because i'm attracted to her, but because I know how many foodstamps you can get with 8 kids.

The father of a 3-month old gorilla abandoned by its mother at the San Francisco Zoo has picked a handsome name for his son. Zookeepers on Wednesday set up five melons in the father gorilla’s enclosure, each one representing a different name. Oscar Jonesy, the father, chose the melon for “Hasani” which means “handsome in Swahili. The same gorilla was used by President Obama to choose his Cabinet.

Former “Smallville” co-star Sam Jones III was arrested in a federal sting yesterday and charged with conspiring to buy and distribute over 10,000 oxycodone pills in a ring that included several other people… Lex Luther, Bizarro and General Zod. 

TLC's lawyers will fuck Jon Gosselin so hard that Kate will pop out 9 & 10

 Obama just won the Nobel Peace Prize. Appearantly there are 3 categories: Physics, literature, and doing absoultely nothing. Can y'guess which category Obama fell under? Hint: the previous winner of this category was the Pet Rock.

WRITTEN BY BRANDON C JONES (MR. J) 2009

10 ) Must be able to keep your mouth shut, (after sex)

9 ) Be able to work late hours after stage hands and cleaning crew go home .

8 ) Must be single, no kids, and never married .

7 ) Can not have any jealous boyfriends lurking around the studio

6 ) Prefer you have the face of Heather Locklear, the eyes of Catherine Zeta-Jones, the lips of Angelina Jolie, the fiery red hair of Angie Everhart, and the body of Cindy Margolis .

5 ) Be able to take dictation to CBS law firm while sitting on Dave's lap .

4 )  You are not allowed to wear pantyhose . Dave prefers you wear black stockings, garter belts, thong panties, and 5 inch spiked heels .  

3  Know how to do C.P.R., Letterman is no spring chicken .

2 ) Must be able to have your eyes open and keep a straight face during Dave's love-making sessions .

1 ) Stay at least 100 feet away from Paul Shaffer . He's Dave's Boy-Toy !    

Chipper Jones has said that baseball is no longer fun for him. Too bad, because booing him is a great time.