I have a friend that is a compulsive gambler . Today he bet me $20 he could stop gambling !  **  Today I asked my friend Mei if it's hard to stop smoking ?  She replied , " It's easy , I stopped smoking at least a hundred times ! "  ***  My balding friend John is so worried about his hair . " Suzie, what can I do to keep from losing my hair ? "  he asked . I told him  " Try using an empty cigar box !" **** My waitress friend Sally asked me if I knew the difference between Asians, Jews, Scots, and canoes ?   " Yes I do, canoes tip ! "  ***** I don't know anything about sports . I thought quarterback was a refund ! ***** My friend Edna is a compulsive shopper who will buy anything marked down . Yesterday she bought an escalator !

As if there weren't enough people hating on the Jews, Jon Gosselin contemplates conversion to Judaism. First the Holocaust, now this. Haven't they suffered enough?

According to the Daily Mail, "Watching Mel Gibson jogging along the street talking to a beaver puppet, onlookers could be forgiven for wanting to call a psychiatric hospital.

"But the Mad Max star, 53, was simply filming his latest film role - playing a depressed man who believes his beaver puppet is real."

 Next thing you know, he'll believe the Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world.

Years ago, I saw this bumper sticker that read "Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven".

 Why is there only a Christian themed bumper sticker? Why not recognize other denominations?

"Jews aren't perfect, that's why they're in therapy."

or "Islamic Fundamentalists aren't perfect, and that's just the women."?

Reached at his bunker in Hell by CNN, Adolph Hitler said he was outraged by comparisons to George W. Bush and Barack Obama. "Those guys are lightweights," he fumed. "Bush is responsible for the deaths of maybe one million Iraqis, tops. I killed 26.6 million Russians, six million Jews and between 4.9 and 5.6 million Poles!" As for Obama, Hitler said, "Obama only wants to kill your granny. Hey, I actually killed your granny!"

I saw a newspaper the other day called The Jewish Advocate. Wouldn't it have been easier to call the paper The Lawyer? 

The nominees for the annual" Scumbag Of The Year " are :  1) Bernie Madoff . He bilked friends and fellow Jews out of their millions , ruining many lives while never losing a night's sleep ! ......   2)  Mahmoud Ahmadinejad . He stole the Iranian Presidential Election , causing millions to protest in the streets of Tehran, resulting in hundreds of deaths and thousands of broken heads . ... 3) North Korean Dictator Kim Jong-ll . He revived his country's nuclear program and continues firing longer ranged missiles at the West, while thumbing his nose at Obama ....... 4)  Joe Jackson , father of Michael Jackson . Less than an hour after his son's death he was out on the street shamelessly hawking Jacko memorabilia, t-shirts, records, and cd's . Joe plans to charge loyal fans $25 a head to view the body during the funeral this weekend ! ....... 5)   Perez Hilton, .. This obnoxious homosexual blogger creep, single handedly destroyed Carrie Prejean's ( Miss California ) chance of becoming Miss USA and ultimately being stripped of her Miss California title .................. .... The envelope please ..... Our  " 2009 SCUMBAG OF THE YEAR AWARD  " Goes to .........." Mr Joe Jackson "......   Congratulations Joe !!  ...............................................................................( kascha & whitney )  

Today i learned what the difference was between  Jews and Muslims . Jews buy the elections as did  New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg .  Muslims simply steal them as Iran's President Ahmadinejad has .

Jewy McJewstein and his huge bag of gold.  “By the power of my payis, I shall smite thee!  I’m gonna knock this shegetz right in his un-brissed blintz!”

Ulysses O’Flaherty who fights with a sack of potatoes and Catholic Guilt.  “Oh, no more dilly-dallying with te mitts!  I’m still tree sheets to da wind from the wake of the last guy I fought!”

Baba Ali, the Indian boxer who learned to fight in the slums of Mumbai. “Latika!!!”

White-Angst Mac: who fights with the strength of 10 lawyers trying to win back custody of Mac’s daughter.  “Did anyone see that Law and Order about the boxer?  What else was that guy in?”

Jafar from Aladdin.  (I think they actually did this one.)

From philosowii.tumblr.com

Poll shows partisan divide on Middle East conflict (May 18)

80 percent of likely Obama voters were in total agreement with the phrase, “It’s time for the United States to get tough with Israel.”

The other 20 percent were the Dumb Jews who voted for him.