I was not excited about the record snow fall dumped on Philadelphia this weekend!

You know who was excited?

Women!

Especially when they heard it was packing 18 inches... AND IT WAS WHITE!

To monitor how the world’s oceans are changing, Europe is funding the Jason – a high-tech billion-dollar altimeter spacecraft. Do we really need to go to space to monitor the oceans? Isn’t the beach a little closer? 

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Jason Bay passed his physical for the New York Mets. He may have broken bones, but they grade on a curve.

This year I made a New Years Resolution to not make any New Years Resolutions...

 But apparently, I'M SO WEAK, I couldn't even stick to that!

Free agents Jason Bay and Bengie Molina are still interested in the Mets. Mainly for the health insurance.
 

Brittany Murphy, dead at 32, was scheduled to appear in Sylvester Stallone's new, star studded action pic Expendable.

Thankfully, she was.

Expendable.

Fidelity Investments reportedly fired four employees in Texas for playing fantasy football at work.

Apparently Fidelity has a strict no gambling policy.

Of course this policy is thrown out the window when it comes to picking "SAFE INVESTMENTS" for Fidelity customers.

I may be a little late jumping on this, but I just saw on TV that Tiger is having an affair.

Apparently he was having his way with some bitch in the backyard and Bobby and Cindy saw him doing her doggy style and then they told Alice and then Alice told Mrs. Brady and then Mrs. Brady and Mr. Brady had to sit down and explain the birds and the bees to the kids.

I told you I might be jumping on this a little late.

ACORN's internal probe has concluded that there was no criminal conduct going on inside the ACORN organization.

I aslso conducted an internal probe and found out that I do not eat too much, drink too much or smoke too much.

Now I just need to submit these findings to my wife for her approval.

I guess it's big news that the Kosovo Government ERECTED a statue to honor President Bill Clinton....

Monica Lewinski commented that it was a very nice ERECTION.

Hillary Clinton said that she hadn't seen it.