Being six-foot-four, I felt complimented when an Ashley Judd lookalike once said to me:  "You remind me of a tall drink of water."

   Was flattered until she added, "Tasteless." 

   "Mattresses expertly repadded.  We know our stuff! 

   A man-friendly ad:  "Our ladies' pajamas are simply tops!" 

James Cameron's AVATAR has just sailed past James Cameron's TITANIC to become the highest grossing movie of all time, domestically and internationally.

Wait a minute Avatar is not the grossest movie of all times. John Walters movie PINK FLAMINGOS is. It’s suppose to be funny but it’s grotesque, sick and disgusting. If you don’t believe me Google PINK FLAMINGOS.

Oh, hold on. They didn’t say “grossest”, they said “grossing”. SORRY. My Bad.

 Since singer Susan Boyle (who professes being a virgin) has been on TV, there's been a marked drop in suicide bombings.

Apparently many of the terrorists didn't realize what a virgin looked like

James Cameron and his ex-wife Kathryn Bigelow are both nominated for an Oscar,as best director.I wonder who called the shots in that marriage. 

So, I walked into this store and there was a beautiful girl behind the counter.

I said, "Quick. Have you got something, anything that I can Stuff THIS Thing in? "

With thanks to Jesuit - Frank James

Jim Brown is urging LeBron James to remain in Cleveland. Because misery loves company.

Many critics are saying that Avatar has a racist message near the end of the movie.  Didn't James Cameron know the major effect this would have on the blue people of the world?

There is one advantage to being a very large gentleman.  My giant fat roll is like a fortress for my balls.  Yup, I have the safest set of junk in the world.  Hell, even I haven't found a way to get to them!