10 ) THREE DOZEN LIFESTYLES MULTI-COLORED CONDOMS ................................

9 )   FIVE NEW TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS .......................................

8 ) AN OLD COPY OF  " THE JOY OF SEX  "  IN

PAPERBACK  ...................................................

7 )  90 DAY SUPPLY OF ROOFIES .........................................

6 ) EIGHT PAIRS OF LADIES BLACK SEAMED NYLON STOCKINGS  ..................................

 5 ) FOUR PAIRS CROTCHLESS EDIBLE PANTIES ( CHERRY FLAVORED )...............................

 4 ) ONE SONY HANDYCAM CAMCORDER AND MINI TRIPOD  ......................................     

3 ) ONE BOTTLE KORBEL PINK CHAMPAGNE    ..........................................................................          

2 ) ONE TROJAN  " HER PLEASURE VIBRATING TOUCH FINGERTIP MASSAGER "  WITH EXTRA BATTERIES ...............................................................

1 ) SUPREME COURT JUSTICE CLARENCE THOMAS' AUTOGRAPHED VHS COPY OF  " LONG DONG SILVER "  

Apple has reduced iPod prices from $20 to $120. This is rumored to be an attempt to move surplus stock of products that will be obsolete within a month and subsequently no longer supported by Apple.   A more functional, lower priced model is due to be released as soon as the current models are sold out.

Hoping he'd make a lasting impression on the nation's youth, most missed the President's address, because they were on their iPods and text messaging their friends on the remastered Beatles music!

 Technology continues to advance at breakneck speed.  Even John McCain finally ditched his trusty 78 speed turntable. He was spotted jogging near the Washington monument sporting his new 8 track player.

THE END OF ENGLISH

-Now, I promise to prevent precipitous postulations and pointless pontifications.

Honestly folks, when did the 'now English' become the 'new Latin?'

Look, nowadays, English's exasperation of erudition and eloquence is dependent on life support system.

Hey, lately, it appears so close to death it's one late insurance payment away from being unplugged, you know?

I mean, listen, English tried to request euthanasia copious occasions.

Fact is, it couldn't find the words and needed a dictionary like dementia victims reading their own auto-biography and being surprised.

And, Oh, by the way, soon it'll be diminished, dead, and dismissed.

You see, yesterdays cassette tape walkman of languages erased by Espanola the iPod of tomorrows talk.

Hey, truth be told, English's existence is endeavoring endangerment edging extinction entirely.

Let's face it folks, museums will exhibit pre-Hispanic speaking era fossils of Thesaurus Nexus juxtaposing prehistoric non-speaking era fossils of Tyrannosaurs Rexes, all right?

Now, our vernacular, vocabulary, and will vanish at velocity while violins will play a minor key sonata.

Christ's sake, I mean, English's FINAL words will have to be translated by Rosetta Stone post humanely.

Of course, then we'll have misinterpreted wills, mispronounced eulogy, and misspelled tombstone.

Hey, bottom line folks, at that point, mourners will truly be speechless, okay?

A 13-year-old boy, who co-edits his own tech website, compared and contrasted the 30-year-old Walkman to his ipod -- teasing the Walkman for being a primitive, odd, bulky version of the iphone.

The feature he thought particularly odd, was just being able to text his friends the letters "F.F.," "REC.," and "STOP/EJ."

Jon Rubinstein – the computer engineer credited with building the iPod – has been named CEO of Palm.  They were going to give the job to the guy who created Twitter, but his resume stopped after just 140 words. 

*This joke was also submitted to Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.

1. Your guest towels are terrible towels
2. The Virgin Mary in your kitchen is wearing a Steeler helmet
3. You have a moment of silence for Myron Cope before the coin toss
4. A fist fight is okay as long as it is in the vicinity of Three Rivers Stadium
5. So what Pittsburgh Mayor Luke Ravenstahl got arrest for fist fighting at a Steeler game? He was defending the honor of the black and gold.
6. Its okay to get drunk before noon, its game day.
7. Who are the Steelers? It’s Stillers bitches
8. You know what a Roethlisberger  Burger is.
9. You have the Steeler Fight Song on your ipod
10. Your definition of the Great Depression is when Neill O’Donnell lost the Superbowl for the Steelers in 1996.
11. Your idea of a bus isn’t a Greyhound but Jerome Bettis
12. When Roethlisberger got injured you didn’t care if he got brain damage, the question is could he still catch and run? Will he be there on Sunday?
13. On your snack table you have black and gold chips, black and gold popcorn, and black and gold salsa.
14. What do you call a drunk fat guy who is shirtless on Sunday? A Steeler cheerleader.
15. Why does a Steeler fan go to church? To make sure they are on the right side of the field.
16. Your favorite Heinz product is Heinz ward
17. The only two Hawaiian words you know are aloha and Palamalu
18. So what Terry Bradshaw says stupid things. He is a Steeler hero. Therefore what he says is gospel
19. You know what one for the thumb means.
20. Our Big Ben doesn’t tell time

Before expelling US Ambassador, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez first must look at a map to find out where Venezuela is located. Mr. Chavez admitted he may be the President, but he does not have all the answers. Shown in picture is Mr. Chavez high on crack, listening to his IPOD, while diligently searching for "Where in the world is Venezuela."