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 Hey there, Comical fans! Today’s show featured wet dreams, followed by date proposals, then ended with incestuous rape… Another natural progression here at Comical Radio.
1) The show opened with Danny detailing his ineptitude at caring for his sickly girlfriend. Having left her in his parent’s backyard while he cataloged ruined possessions in a warehouse, Danny discovered his lady at a hospital hours later after she had passed out with an empty cup in one hand and her phone in the other. Turned out he was responsible enough to leave his girlfriend with an iced tea but not enough to charge his cell phone. Not to worry, he reports that she is okay, and that all of the details were handled by their mothers.
2)Having one crisis handled incompetently, Danny went on to take care of best friend Kasten’s love woes. After being coarsely (but justifiably) rejected by Myka, Danny went ahead and made efforts to humiliate Kasten further by lying that intern Genevieve had a crush on him. When Dave approached her about this, Genevieve had the unfortunate but familiar task of rejecting him. Why? Hes lovable! People deserve love, why not Kasten? Gen revealed she is dating a mystery comic whose name will be known when Danny can “Wheel of Fortune” his way through Genevieve’s clues!
3) In other news, Kasten admitted that Tuesday he had a Rumpelstiltskin nymph wet dream about Myka wearing a white dress and stockings and humping her in the woods. Danny and the crew were astonished because the very night Kasten released his DNA into his empty bed, Myka was actually humping her boyfriend in the woods and Chris was wearing white sheets at a rally. Coincidence? You be the judge!
4) First guest on the show was some Israeli chick named Adie that Danny tried to get Kasten to fuck. Another futile attempt; this girl was actually a funny comedian and not at all interested in Kasten. Nevertheless, she was put through minutes of debate between Kasten and Iacono over why Kasten is un-fuckable and why Chris is a greasy wop dego. Final results of said debate: David Kasten is un-fuckable and Chris Iacono is a greasy organ grinding wop with thinning hair. The Israeli chick slipped out of the studio before the results were in, but managed to plug the various open mics she performs at.
5) Next up: Jess Woods. Today we learned that her mom was a dug addicted nudist hippie and her dad raped her at the age of five. Danny performed a dead-on impression of Jess’s dad if he had visited a therapist, and no one in the room became uncomfortable. When asked how she was able to cheerfully relate a past that should have caused her to become a schizophrenic, Woods said that she had done a lot of work with a therapist. Therapy is enough to settle years of the worst kind of abuse? No way! What kind of sicko gets over being raped by her father?
6) The show ended with a white trash update from Katy Olson, reporting live from her home in Atlanta. First order of business, she now has a home made of walls. Katy regaled the crew with tales of a stripper named “Blondie” (so dubbed for her bleached African pubic hair), and Blondie’s rival, her niece. Blondie boasts an ability to crush a PBR can between her calloused cleavage, while the niece can crush one in her buttocks. Now this is radio! Katy also reported that her brother has decided to give up hoeing as he has become an inventor. He has created the world’s first drug container for placement in the rectum on the off chance that a person might get taken to jail that day. Perhaps he has never heard of a condom, but in any case, please do not pass along the details of this brilliant invention because he has not yet patented it.
And that’s it! Stay tuned for Friday’s show as it will brag of Dean Edwards from Saturday Night Live, Mike Birbiglia, and another comedian who deserves to have his name remembered and listed here. I said good day, sir!
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Meet Dara and Sara, Iran's answer to Ken and Barbie.
The Muslim dolls have been developed by a government agency to promote traditional values, with their modest clothing and pro-family backgrounds...Toy seller Masoumeh Rahimi welcomed the dolls, saying Barbie was "foreign to Iran's culture" because some of the buxom, blonde dolls have revealing clothing..."I think every Barbie doll is more harmful than an American missile," Ms Rahimi said.
...
The siblings help each other solve problems and turn to their loving parents for guidance.
The children are supposed to be eight years old, young enough under Islamic law for Sara to appear in public without a headscarf.
Great. So the only Iranians allowed to get aroused in public are the pedophiles.
...Another toy seller, Mehdi Hedayat, said: "Dara and Sara are strategic products to preserve our national identity. And of course, it is an answer to Barbie and Ken, which have dominated Iran's toy market."
Let me see if I have this straight. Dara and Sara are the Iranian Barbie and Ken? What is the mullahs' penalty for incest? Those aren't her eyes he's looking at:
 
Aw, look -- Dara and Sara couldn't compete with Ken and Barbie. What a surprise:
Iran introduced its own competing dolls -- the twins Dara and Sara -- who were designed to promote traditional values with their modest clothing and pro-family stories. But the dolls proved unable to stem the Barbie tide.
Note to the murderously pious: Get a grip. Even God likes to see a little skin here and there. Recall his answer to Ken and Barbie: Adam and Eve.
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Josef Fritzl made an astonishing plea for understanding from his cell today saying: "I am not a monster. I could have killed them all, and no one would ever have known, no one would ever have found out," he reportedly told his lawyer.
In a strange coincidence, George Bush said, "I am not a bad president. I could have pushed the button, and no one would ever have known, no one would ever have found out".
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There's a couple in Leipzig, Germany, who have four kids and are fighting to overturn the country's ban on incest--because they're brother and sister. The lawyer for Patrick Stuebing and Susan Karolewski said, "The law was abolished in France, it's about time it should be scrapped here in Germany as well."
Ah, the usual ringing endorsement: The French have been doing it for years!
On the other hand, incestuous marriages could be good for families: it's a lot harder to leave your wife when she's your sister.
It could also reduce the petty fights that couples have as to whom the baby resembles more: "Look, Honey: he's got our eyes, and our mother's nose and our father's ears and Grandpa's mouth..."
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