This past Election Day, as usual, I didn’t vote. Voting isn’t a system that works.  The majority of people are idiots, and in voting, the majority of people are right.  Politicians learn early on that they have to lie, make false promises, and hide their real agendas to get the majority of voters, who don’t know what they are talking about, to vote them into office.  I don’t really blame them, as that is the position they are put in to succeed.  It just makes it impossible to tell who’s corrupt, and who’s trying to help.  They all have to lie to some extent.  If the good one’s don’t lie, they’ll lose to the bad one’s who do because people are voting based on campaign promises that sound good.  If a politician stood there and was realistic with everyone about what they think could be done, he wouldn’t sound very exciting. When have we had a candidate that came anywhere close to delivering what they promised in their campaign?  Has that ever happened? Take Obama for example, the whole time he was campaigning, he didn’t even know the details of the job he was applying for.  They don’t give you the top secret briefing till after you are elected.

“Oh, remember all those things you promised in your campaign…. Well, there are a few things we should probably fill you in on.  Number 1, we’re dead broke.  Our credit score is horrible, and we’re not even getting low interest balance transfer offers from France anymore.  Oh, and we haven’t been getting a lot done lately cause everyone’s out sick with some weird flu”

If a corporation was run by a president that was elected by all it’s employee’s, that corporation would go out of business. Employees don’t know company secrets or what it takes to make the real money.  The majority of people walking into a voting both simply don’t know what they are talking about.  I myself am no political genius and by my own guidelines am not qualified to vote.  Voting is a nice fairytale, and at the same time, I don’t have a better solution to offer.  I do think and hope that we have enough checks and balances to keep us out of any real disasters, but I’m starting to have my doubts.

A CBS producer, claiming knowledge of sexual relationships between David Letterman and female staffers, has been indicted for trying to extort $2 million from him. 

Strange but true...

I'm sitting in one of the washroom stalls focusing on the number 2 when a voice pops up from the adjacent stall inquiring, "How you doing?"

Odd, I quickly try to dismiss with a smug, "Fine thanks"

Then I'm quickly puzzled by another response of, "What are you up to tonight?"

Awkwardly, I'm trying not to be rude or dismissive so I reply, "Just enjoying the show."

His response dropped my jaw when he asks, "So, how about we get together tonight after the show?"

Damn! There's a zinger... My bold reply, "Listen, no offense but I'm busy and..."

Quickly he cuts me off and states, "Listen babe, can I call you back, some idiot next to me keeps answering my questions."

Professor Gates! Please read my story and help! I'm a victim too!

I came home the other day and discovered I was locked out. So me and my Russian limo driver kicked the door in, and then a so called neighbor, who was clearly racist, called the cops on me because I’m Mexican.

When a Chinese police officer showed up outside my house and asked if I could come outside to talk with him I said, “NO I will not!! I'll talk to your mommi outside!”

I demanded to know who he was and he said he’s a sergeant or something investigating a break in and I said, “Why?!?! Cause I’m a Mexican Man in America?!!” 

He asked if I was alone, I told him “None of your Business, you racist cop! You don’t know who you’re messing with! I have a Masters Degree in Computer Science and I can make it so none of the Chinese food places in town can take orders over the internet!!! Don’t mess with me!” 

He kept going on and on about how he was just trying to investigate a possible break in, and just wanted to see my ID, so I threw my library card at him.  He stood there in shock, and I said “What?!!  Surprised to find out a Mexican man reads books, you racist pig!!!” and then I said, “You're racist because you see a nice house with a plasma TV and a PlayStation 3 and assume that a Mexican man cant possibly live here!!!” 

Then I called everyone I know to stand out there and watch as I walked outside my house and made a fool of this idiot with some of my other assumptions.  Anyway, cut to scene two, I got arrested because I’m Mexican.

Professor Gates, do you think you could help?  I tried emailing President Obama to see if he could do something, but he hasn’t gotten back to me.  I also emailed Batman, the incredible Hulk, the Green Lantern, and Spider-Man… all of which just sent back the standard fan club welcome letter which makes me think they haven’t really read my message at all!!! Is there no Justice in America!!!

RE: Gates' Police Report

The police were responding to a break-in in progress, and when they ask this so called racism expert for ID, he gives them a hard time and calls it racism.   So let me get this straight.  You want the police to treat an unidentified break-in suspect with respect and courtesy... Yeah.. that’s gonna work real well.

“Excuse me, we don’t mean to intrude, but we see the door is broken in… do you live here? Oh you do… ok… have good night”

First of all, let’s consider that most break-ins reported are real and dangerous.  I’m gonna estimate that at least 9 out of 10 times, the guy breaking into your place isn’t you.

On top of that, this isn’t the first break-in at the Professor’s home.  I think it’s hysterical when people say, “If he was white, this wouldn’t have happened that way”

Well, I’m white (sort of) and if the police thought my apartment was being broken into, I would obey all their commands, gladly show them my ID, and thank them for coming.  So it would have gone differently for me… not because of my color… but because I’m not an idiot.  If police ask you for your ID and you put up a fight and call them names, don’t expect to be treated with honor.

One last thing, Don’t apply to Harvard.  They let anybody teach there.

Oh and PS: Me calling him an idiot isn’t racism. Idiots come in all colors.  I have a white one that lives in my building.

Read the Police Report 

Al Franken has finally been declared the winner of the Minnesota senatorial race.His first comment was,"The Capitol rotunda is a big fat idiot!" 

Washington Nationals president Stan Kasten recently referred to himself as a "village idiot." It's nice to know that someone on the Nationals finally won a title.

The FCC fielded 800,000 calls last week after the government mandated switch to digital television.

How can they just switch everyones television signal to digital without giving any kind of advance warning.  They should have been running advertising warning people that this was going to happen.

This is why people hate the government.  They just don't communicate with the citizens about what's going on in their country.

Because the government refuses to communicate with it's populous I'm going to step in and inform you that the government has a plan to thin out the population by imprisoning, sterilizing and even euthanizing stupid people.

The first 800,000 to be rounded up will be the idiots who called the FCC about the switchover to digital TV.

I work as a screener for TSA, which is short for Transportation Security Administration, and not the phrase Trans Sexual Assassins. I don't know who's spreading that rumor...actually I do--it was me.

 Rumormongering aside, I've noticed there's lots of jokes that ridicule airport security, many that depict people like me as idiots. Honestly, they're all true, we're idiots. Because EVERYBODY that comes through the airport are well educated. Why, I can remember arguing with an apparent Physics major who was convinced he could bring a frozen bottle of water on a plane because it counted as a solid and not a liquid. After a new rule banning shoes in bins went into effect, a woman asked me if the X-ray belts would ruin her $1,000 shoes. Since she paid $1,000 for shoes, she's clearly an Economics major.

Chastity Bono is now officially on the list for a large organ donor.