A teacher at a New York City public school has been charged with turning his fourth-grade classroom into a fighting ring.  Joseph Gullotta told two of his students, ages 9 and 10, to settle an argument with a classroom fight.  One of the students suffered a cut lip, and the other sustained a bruised and swollen head during the Jan. 28 incident at P.S. 65 in the Ozone Park neighborhood. ***MARLAR: Actually, it’s the person reported this that should be in trouble.  After all, we all know the first rule of Fight Club.

Especially now that there's an app that will detect unicorns in your neighborhood. Me, I'm waiting for the app that puts you at the top of the list for a liver transplant.

Truck drivers will be prohibited from texting under federal guidelines that U.S. Secretary of Transportation Ray LaHood is issuing Today.

Researchers have discovered that monkeys who experience increased hormonal reactions to stress while infants are more likely to consume large amounts of alcohol as they reach adulthood. They also found that male monkeys drank more than females, and those raised without adult contact drank more than those raised with their mothers.  ***MARLAR: They’re now doing a follow-up study to determine where the monkeys are buying the booze.

An East Tennessee man told police that a woman in a vehicle in front of his jumped on his hood and kicked and punched his windshield as he waited for a traffic light to change. The man, John P. Williamson, 37, said the incident was unprovoked. According to The Daily Times of Maryville, police quoted the woman as saying she was being followed.  ***MARLAR: Oh yeah, I’m sure kicking and punching your so-called stalkers car is going to get them to back off of following you. 

So, I walked into this store and there was a beautiful girl behind the counter.

I said, "Quick. Have you got something, anything that I can Stuff THIS Thing in? "

With thanks to Jesuit - Frank James

In a Rolling Stone interview, singer John Mayer made some waves after admitting he likes to pleasure himself regularly.  In fact, he masturbates at home so much, that the waves he made flooded his entire neighborhood!